A Ray of Hope

Me is nerd.

2012-02-14T01:03:00.000-08:00

I guess not :)

Err, V Day ?

2012-02-13T03:19:00.000-08:00

Firstly and most importantly, I'd like to start this post with my utmost gratification to The Most Merciful for permitting my previous post which carried quite a vital message to the boys out there to be spread to random Netizens. Although it looks a little bit ridiculous and insane from some views, it does sound intelligent in a way. All that contained in me while composing it was the desire to spread the unseen fact that our community has been omitting the flaws of the male gender and on the other hand, committed to focus on the faults and imperfection of us-the girls, especially the Muslim girls.

It's not really the matter of criticizing one gender or another that I'm trying to bring up here, but it is to open up everyone's mind that humans are created to accept imperfection and to approach change. Humans are brought up in unequal backgrounds which is the best reason to why Mr. Anonymous' judgement is not eligible in painting the real picture of anyone-be it his closest colleague or even the lady cashier working at Seven Eleven. Therefore, perpetual reminders and tender advices, as well as self-reflections turn out to be the best of all solutions in my opinion. Let the words wrapped with my unconditional love and concern for all of us seep through your hearts. InshaAllah, a bond free of doubts between our brothers and sisters can be tied again one day :) But one thing we have to admit: Girls have been criticized and advised because we are precious and cared for. Which is a good thing ey? :D

Tomorrow is the 14th of February which means cupids are pulling their arrows and getting ready to aim at hitting a few frail hearts instead of the bull's eye. Valentine's Day is stepping in another few hours but is it necessary to let cupid inject our hearts with the excitement of this love celebration? I'm not gonna say yes or no right away, but lets give it a thought together shall we?

Since I am a Muslim, I'm definitely gonna give my view with both my feet attached to the rational rules of Islam. To my mind, a day that promotes showing love and affection doesn't suit the word 'celebrate'. I prefer the word 'appreciate' to be combined with love, rather than 'celebrate'. It sounds more modest, warmer and even sweeter in a way. In some cases, not every individual are allowed to celebrate (ex: some employers restrict his/her employee to rejoice on some occasions), nevertheless everybody can appreciate. Simply because this gesture is done by the heart, not the body. The history and origin of Valentine's Day is something that needs to be acknowledged before appreciating whoever's love around us. Because every special day carries a special meaning, a special purpose and is a remembrance of a special occasion in the past. Same goes to Independence Day, Aidil Fitr and Children's Day. So before we all groove on the floating love in the air, remember to be an aware and awake person and get the facts right first because we might be taken aback by these facts once we know that they contradict our beliefs. And if we are true believers, at this point, we can already decide whether to be a part of V Day or not.

And what happens to the believers who doesn't get the opportunity to seek for what lies behind this merry day? Well, I believe His Mercy has guarded us strongly without us noticing because here is where the rules of Islam protects us. Appreciating our love ones is not written in any holy book as an offence. In fact, there were many ayahs and hadeeths encouraging us to perform our daily activities with love and compassion towards every creature including plants and animals. But how we portray and show the love is what needs to be brought under the spotlight. As far as I know, as long as our gesture of showing appreciation doesn't cross the line drawn by the All Knowing and is not categorized as forbidden in the religion, there is no problem to that. In fact, the noble gesture will be granted with more and more love flowing in. For instance, a pair of wedded couple were to spend the day watching romance genre movies lying on each others laps. If that's the case, then it's totally fine simply because they have made it all halal between them. But if the couple aren't officially husband and wife, this is when thing's will eventually turn out not right. And we all know it, right?

Therefore, being a true believer, we have been taught to live our lives within what is all right, which is within the syariah of Islam. This law is indeed a gift to us from Allah as it provides us a strong shelter from unexpected casualties and also His promises to the door of heavens by obeying it. The lack of knowledge about Valentine's Day shouldn't diverge the path of our belief. An easy conclusion and message that I would like to convey is a believer should act as a true believer and keep on striving to be a better one. Because as long as we hold on to our beliefs, we know whether to say yes or no to Valentine's Day.

Ignore the biased media and disrespectful articles of what we stand for because as we know, politics is ruining our simple lives. Lets go back to basic and think from outside that particular box.

Kata Anuar Hadi, may peace be upon you and please give it a thought baby :)

A message to my man :)

2012-02-09T07:57:00.000-08:00

My dear future husband,

Although I have no idea when I am fated to meet you, I want to say something before that time comes. I have encountered many guys before, some I would categorize as the 'acceptable type' but the rest are all the same. As I am not interested in man of other races, I have only naughtily observed Malay guys, and it is somehow devastating that non of them are exceptional from being a typical Malay guy. But don't get me wrong, I'm only eighteen and I spent my past five years in an all girls school. Perhaps I haven't traveled far or lived long enough to witness God's creation that I can call a Real Man.

My dear future husband,

I don't know where you are or what you're doing now. You'll probably read this and say, 'This girl is oh-so desperate' or you might not come across this at all. But whoever you are, I hope you are the chosen one who fulfills all that I have been craving to see in a man. You don't have to be some macho, muscular hunk or some hot, baby-faced boy. If you are currently worrying about your looks and feel underestimated among your friends, just lose it a little and relax. To me, the most important part of you would be that beating heart at the left side of your chest. I just need you to guard it safely. Don't let it be be stained by nasty desires and avoidable sins. Purify it every second of your life by praising The Almighty and let it guide you to the right paths up till that lucky day you meet me. Ditch the outer appearance, because I am no typical girl who goes head over heals for Mr. Handsome. Inner beauty means much more to me.

My dear future husband,

I have always admired a man who believes in his potential and knows where he is heading. A man who doesn't commit himself to time-wasting activities is one who appreciates his time and opportunity, just like how Islam urges us to. I hope you are not one of the dudes who keeps updating statuses on Facebook and Tweeting about your personal matters and emotions to be shared with the world. If you do post on walls, I wish they are friendly advice and spiritual reminders so that the netizens will benefit from your wise words rather than gossiping and spreading slander about you. I know you are there, somewhere in this same planet and most probably in the same country as I am, so you don't have to worry about not being seen active online. You've got lots of better things to do for our bright future and I promise you we will meet in reality, not in the virtual world. :)

My dear future husband,

You may be pursuing your study in the medical field or perhaps striving to achieve your dream in being the second Malaysian astronaut. I really don't mind what you plan to do in life. But as Mom always says, it's best if you are a high-achiever in your studies because I was told that as long as you acquire knowledge and stay thirsty for more, a triumphant future awaits. But I suggest you be a pilot or an ambassador working abroad who gets to travel all around the world, so we could go for thousands of adventure together until we reach Neverland. Well, since I still don't know you and I'm even more blind about your passion, just go for whatever you love to do. I'll be okay as long as you know your responsibility as my man and the money comes from a halal source. With or without a big income, I'll be there for you. And if you don't mind, please be a good sportsman because I would love to have a jogging partner!

My dear future husband,

I have mountains of hope in me that you are different, in many ways. If you have a girlfriend now, then it's okay. I understand that everybody longs for love. I admit that love experiences serve as a tool for girls and boys, like me and you, to understand how life works and plants maturity in our souls. But don't be too desperate for girls please, and don't do foolish things for them now. Save it for later, it'll be more meaningful then you could ever imagine. I look up at guys without girlfriends, because they hold on to Someone whom they depend on with all their hearts, who won't slightly disappoint them. If you are single, you are not gay my dear. But you are stronger than the others and you should be proud of that.

My dear future husband,

That is kind of too much to ask for, is it? Well I tell you what. I make a lot of friends, but frankly males work better for me as buddies. But as much I don't want you to have that special girl yet, I'm not seeking for a special guy too. I'll be that one girl you have been searching high and low for. That girl who preserves her dignity and waits for you and only you. In the future, it'll be as easy and as happy as this: I cook, you eat. You lead the prayer, I'll be your makmum. You drive the car, I'll sing like a rock star next to you. So, do find me when the time's right. Because I'll be here waiting for you hihi :)

Very sincerely, Amalina Taib

Snorlax.

2012-02-08T23:51:00.000-08:00

Assalamualaikum and hello readers :)

I have to apologize for ze boring and zero-content posts these past few days. I was in a state of sailing in a boat, without any efforts to row the oars and fully depending on the hopeless wind to make it move. I was totally busy lazing around and getting back to some Snorlax routine of hitting the sack early and waking up when breakfast is cold, choose the couch and remote control over the bicycle, scrolling on Facebook's news feed time and again instead of flipping the dailies. But then, I think I've had enough of that. After all this time wasting, I'm very glad it's still February. There's still abounding time for self indulgence. Life's good I tell you :D

I'm done with my Brats essay. Not sure if it's good. Anyone volunteer to proofread it?

Enough of it.

2012-02-07T02:10:00.000-08:00

7th February 2012

Humans always disappoint me. Always.

So isn't it better to turn to Al-Wakeel (The Trustee) ?

Admire the Prophet.

2012-02-05T01:09:00.000-08:00

It's 12 Rabiul Awal and on this very day, lets ponder on this hadeeth and continue struggling with all within us to seek His blessing and -by His Power and Might- find success, security, joy, light and delight.

Peliharalah Allah, nescaya engkau akan dapatiNya di hadapanmu.

Kenalilah Allah ketika senang, nescaya Dia akan mengenalimu ketika susah.

Ketahuilah bahawa apa- apa yang (ditakdirkan) tidak menimpamu, ia tidak akan menimpamu.

Dan apa- apa yang menimpmu bukannya ia tersilap menimpamu.

Ketahuilah bahawa kemenangan itu ada bersama kesabaran, terlepas dari kesempitan itu ada bersama kesusahan dan bersama kesusahan itu ada kesenangan.

May peace be upon our great Prophet Muhammad who taught and showed us the beauty of Islam-the one and only true religion to live by, till his very last breath.

Couldn't be happier.

2012-02-03T21:25:00.000-08:00

Love Locks, Pont de Arts Paris
Credits: bubblemerah.tumblr.com

There I was again, trying not to be like any typical girl. That wasn't just any 7 years deal we just made, it's more than that. It's that strong bond tied between us again, even stronger than before.

I'll keep your words, and you could hold on to mine :)

Farewell BC!

2012-02-02T00:30:00.000-08:00

BC Clique :)
From left: Rihanna, Fatima, Leong, Ka Chun, Fikri, RB, Zac, Muhanad, Nima, Ibrahim, Minjeoung, Teacher Mark, Sima, Nilufer, Hanisah and HAHA Moi

Unfortunately, today was the last day of the course. Well I can always continue doing Upper- Intermediate Navy, but frankly speaking, I didn't benefit much from the lessons. I mean, getting back to grammar exercises, filling in the blanks, prepositions and tenses- err, I wasn't really expecting that. Although yeah, I should have expected it in the first place. But talk about fun, you can find it here :D

The classmates are all awesome people in their own ways and I had learnt so much about their different lives back in their home towns- well, exclude the Malaysian friends. And special thanks to RB and Wahib for being the best of chatting mates ever :) BC for Life! (well, that's suppose to be 'Cambridge for Life' teehee)

Career dilemma :)

2012-02-01T06:41:00.000-08:00

For as long as I couldremember, I had never touched or tell about the things I plan to commit myselfto in the future on this blog. What they call sacreddreams or the ultimate job or whatever phrases that explains theutmost desire in accomplishing a specific achievement, to be a particularsomebody and to serve for a special group of people in the time to come. Thistopic used to be a nightmare to me. It used to make me caught myself criticallyand seriously thinking about it. But seconds after that, I'd be squishing myhead faced down between the mattress and the pillow, frantically forcing thebrain to kick the matter out of the box and pick it up again some othertime.

In contrast, my standard 5 sister had been braggingabout her long-kept ambition to pave her own way in becoming a respectedpolitician and the first professional muslimah golf player recognizedinternationally. I know that sounds kind of pathetic from an eleven years oldgirl, but at least she has taken a glimpse out the window, caught her waves ofpassion and is now able to draft her future undertakings while carrying hergolf club to the weekly lessons. The courage that she contained in herself toactually sell the idea of wanting to go for those somehow out-of-ordinaryambitions to Mom and Dad, and literally everyone was what gets to me the most.Well, she owns all my respect for the fearless statements because on the otherhand, I am a scardy cat when it comes to it.

It is funny remembering those childhood years whenyour friends asked you to write your biodata between the lines of the school'sbrown covered exercise book. During those times, you could just grab a bluntpencil and scribble down the most common occupations in the world, listed inthe pre-schoolers dictionary with cartoon images to draw the real picture ofhow the occupation works. Doctor, policeman, fire-fighter, scientist- you nameit. In my case, deciding on ditching science stream and kicking Form 4 off withEconomy, Accounts and Basic Science convinced myself that I was not born forscientific experiments, humans' organs, chemical reactions or even calculationof up thrust, inertia and all those mind-twisting words I never wished to know.So automatically, the range of field that I have chances to jump into narrowsdown to a smaller number. But there was nothing to worry about, I was prettysure I was on the right path.

While constantly braving through a big number of taskswhich required leadership skills around the school (and of course, hanging outin the toilet while science experiments were being conducted during Scienceperiod), I noticed myself having a huge interest in humans' way of thinking andtheir reactions towards different circumstances. During the period of timeleading the school, I actually took a great pleasure in solving a hell lot ofproblems and conflicts. For some people these matters might seem like burdensand does nothing else but sweep off your prep time and make you wake up withpanda eyes every morning due to a gameof problem-solving the night before. However, I developed a flair forcommunicating with people of random attitudes, handling rebellious studentswithout provoking dissatisfaction and stood for the rational school rules yetstill being respected for respecting people's opinions, emotions and rights.I'm not gloating but I'm just trying to say I enjoyed the whole thingtremendously!

Due to that, I kept an ambitious dream of studyingpsychology. A few close friends supported the idea but Mom and Dad remaineduntold. Well, truth to be told, I had worn the typical teenager's mind-set andremained sceptical of my old men's opinions towards this particular field. Thefact that Malaysians are not born to be counselling seekers and hate peopleputting a nose in their problems convinced me that they wouldn't even considerit in my future plan. However, career choice turned up to be their favourite topicduring SPM season and not long after that, I found out that my intuition wasprecise- they really thought Psychology was a bad idea.

Before this I thought I was lost in a maze, but then Iknew I was rather stuck in it. As bad as it sounds, I strongly believed thatthere must be something else that will intrigue me and it'll come-hopping orcrawling, sooner or later. Handling the pressure coming from a pair ofhigh-hoping parents was absolutely agitating. However, the journey of searchingfor the right calling ended me up with a collection of wild interest andpotential dreams to be made come true.

Dad suggested enteringthe great door of Political Science. So for a month or so, I dipped my headinto a tank full of political news, international relations, debated worldissues, political psychology and leaders of the forefathers. I busied myselfdesperately wanting to understand the petty conflicts between Malaysia politicalparties and would hate to miss a page of it in the dailies. But then, I was totallyblanked of the pathway of pursuing it.

My brother also tookhis chance in suggesting what he thought would suit his indecisive littlesister. Perhaps through all these writing I’ve been up to, he spotted sometalent and brought up the idea of studying English deeper into the language.Considering English as a beneficial tool in my life, I accepted the suggestion enthusiasticallyand went on a roller coaster ride again. I organised reunions with some literaturepieces and Shakespeare’s poems instantly, as they were nothing new to me. Iembraced articles with brilliant sentences and a wide range of vocabulary witha hungry heart. I made plenty of attempts drafting poems again, although they turnedout bad. Alas, I felt deep down inside that English was not my real calling.

Frankly speaking, thefuture was still vague for me. Yes it’s true, nobody has the rights to know howtheir future would turn out- but isn’t ‘failing to plan planning to fail’? Fortunately,God opened my eyes to something new not long after that. A close cousinapproached me and gave a piece of her mind- ‘I think you should be a lawyer.’Oh wow, law! Why haven’t I thought of you all this while? I remembered printingout a few articles about the ISA and doing researches on the controversial AUKUand cramping my head to understand SOPA and PIPA. Well, I don’t pay muchinterest to many things but these acts and bills managed to captivate me. Imade a move and told Mom and Dad that law is my final decision. And,Alhamdulillah they approved it this time and felt it was worth giving me allthe time to think and get to know myself.

We have the rights toplan, but then again only He possesses the power to make it happen. For thoseout there who still can’t decide what to do in the future, my advice is don’trush it. Just take all the time you have to explore your potential, try as manythings as possible and do what you have been wanting to do all your life - becausebasically those are the things that could lead you to your passion. Even thoughI now have a direction of where to head in life, I insist not to plan the restof the story. Why? Because I live for surprises :)

Sayangi Bahasa Melayu.

2012-01-30T07:38:00.000-08:00

30th January 2012

I am somehow worried that I wake up in the morning and whispered gratitude for still getting to breath on a fresh, new morning not in my mother-tongue language. I have conversations with my parents during breakfast and in the car about random stuff not in my mother-tongue language. I go to English class and obviously did not talk in my mother-tongue language. I talk to and confide secrets into myself when no one's in the room not in my mother-tongue language. I'm in the middle of writing a short article which doesn't include even a word from my mother-tongue language. I read only the Star dailies written fully not in my mother-tongue language. I find it really hard to finish a sentence all with words that comes from my mother-tongue language. And do you know how I'm feeling now?

I feel awful and disturbed and I'm hating myself for this. Yes, I need to do something to balance my usage of language again. Lets move it Ama, it's now or never.

Adult already :)

2012-01-28T21:18:00.000-08:00

Oh mann, I so miss this blank page on blogger. I'm glad I'm back, and I'm eighteen already?

After all the hullaballoo of turning seventeen last year, I thought that it wouldn't be anymore macho to have party poppers and balloons and ice cream cakes for this year's birthday. I mean, I had tons of birthday parties already, with ofcourse different kinds of entertainment. I've experienced birthdays with a magician and his rabbit jumping out of the hat, a red nosed, curly hair, ugly faced clown who conducted the party games and made hopeless jokes and even the A&W bear with orange shirt who made us dance to the 'I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world' song. There was also one time when I had a party with Mexico's pinata which is a papier-mâché decorated and filled with candy, if you haven't heard of it before. And not to forget O' Eleven's bowling party which was wild, fun and full with friends. So, yesterday was the day I turned eighteen and despite my immature and overly jovial self, want it or not, I know I have to start acting like a real Eighteen years old already.

I had only one wish this year and if it could be made reality, I would definitely be over the moon. So one fine morning, while I was in the car on the way to BC, I asked Mom if we could have some close relatives at home and recite the Yaasin together on the twenty-eighth. She straight away said okay and yeah, I wasn't just over the moon, I was over Mars. Well, not literally. Lol. So, Alhamdulillah everything went smoothly. We cooked a lot of home-made dishes, prayed Maghrib and Isyak lead by Daddy, and recited Yaasin and Tahlil between the prayers. Not to forget the commotion during Liverpool against Man United match. Haha. But anyhow, I'm glad we all had some quality family time again and insyaAllah with some extra blessings this time. Dyanna was there through a phone call and Abang through Skype, I could consider that everyone was there I guess. I know I used to count how many presents I get from people around, but it feels good that I'm already wise enough to know I should now count the uncountable gifts bestowed by God and ensure myself that it is more than adequate and simply all that I need in life.

Thanks to Mom and Dad for the perfect birthday gift and your endless love :') Lemme serve you guys with some photos this time and do wish me 'Happy Birthday Ama' if you forgot to. Hihi.

Pop Tartss.

2012-01-25T00:37:00.000-08:00

Every person who finds the art of writing as another basic need other than food, shelter and clothes will tend to experience a short period of moment when they suddenly tumble down into a black hole and go all blanked. It's like one day you have a bucketful of exciting ideas to be translated into proper narration, and the next day an invisible shadow tripped on it and the ideas spilled all over the place and get absorbed into the ground in one split second. Yeah, I'm squeezing my dry brains for more words but unfortunately, I can't produce anything right now. A few halfway-written articles are hanging out while seeping some fresh lemonades in My Documents waiting to be finished. I just couldn't find the guts to continue expanding the great topics and that's an unbearable affliction. My fingers don't dance involuntarily on the keyboard like it used to, neither my left nor my right brain is transmitting the right words to finish my sentences and my mouth spoke bad English today.

So there you go, nothing but an explanation about my non-functional brain box and a polite way of saying I am not in the mood to update on anything. Just please tell me this is hormone imbalance and it will end soon. Life had been dull, utterly dull. Gimme some crayons, I need to colour my life again like how the Power Puff Girls did when all the colours in Townsville disappeared and the mime turned out to be the most powerful villain of the episode. Oh, mayday mayday.

Another masterpiece.

2012-01-23T07:02:00.000-08:00

I have to admit, I ain't a good cook and normal food that Bibik cooks at home just couldn't make me move and get cookin'. The other day, when Mom asked me to cook chicken with sweet&sour sauce or something, I took an extra mile and made the very first home made ayam percik. Which I know it tasted so good, because Lyanna said so. Haha.

These past few days, Mom had been urging me to bake a cake. Just for fun. Yeah, a just-for-fun cake. How funny is that? So, she would automatically put the butter on the kitchen table to soften it every single morning, but I didn't do anything with it. Lol. Since Mom had been frantically mad for some desert, I thought of taking an extra mile again and bake a little something that nobody in the house had heard of. I first tasted it when Sensei treated the Tekuns before we sat for economy paper and hoyeahh, it was that magical moment of soft marshmallow melting in your mouth! So heavenly :)

And here I present to you, the Pavlova! Perfectly soft, sweet and crispy at the bottom, flooded with whipped cream in the middle and the final touch of fresh fruits on top to tickle your taste buds :D

*big thanks to the Cousin, the Sister, and the Aunt for the lending hands!

Mighty young.

2012-01-23T06:04:00.000-08:00

Oh my Gucci, I've been waiting for this! :D

A chance for my story to be published for real.

Time to reflect.

2012-01-21T18:28:00.000-08:00

'Have you ever wondered why you always reach for the same mug when you want to make a cup of coffee, why your father has a designated spot in the lounge and although it has never been said, everyone knows that's dad's spot. Have you realized that you do the same thing every morning and your day pants out in a set and structured routine like it does every other day. If you track your day and your week, you come to the realization that man is a creature of habit, which tends to make life a little duller a time. Even our du'a, our tasbih and our prayer are in a routine.'

I'm not trying to steal these YouTube videos, and simply paste it here. But I believe everyone should benefit from this. It's utterly awe-inspiring and not at all burdening to practice. Let's not be predictable. Let's not be lazy. Let's get off our routine :)

Hard, cold fact.

2012-01-21T09:20:00.001-08:00

Free promotion: Abang is continuously releasing photographs from his very own collection, taken from random places around the world. Do take a peep, he's very skillful already :D Drag your cursor and click this, Azim Taib's Tumblr!

Walk the talk, baby.

2012-01-20T02:43:00.000-08:00

Watch this and start doing your research readers. The truth has been there all this while, patiently waiting to be uncovered by us, Modern Muslims. Change your perceptions, don't misunderstand the religion. Well said that 'Most people expose themselves to information that matches their own world view. It is uncomfortable to do it otherwise.'

Added notes: If you guys realize, the video isn't very much promoting Islam. It is somehow a bit too blunt and some of the words might have taken you aback if you watch this thoroughly. And the background music makes everything that is supposed to sound pleasing and easy, sounds more extreme and intolerant. I'm just trying to say that: Do you fall in love with Islam after watching this? This might come from a non-believer, who knows. But as my brother quoted from an ustaz, 'rasa pelik tu adalah tanda berhati-hati dengan dakyah kafir'. I strongly believe it is fine to watch random videos on the net, but f'course it is undeniably important too to filter the content of it and be curious. So I'm telling myself and everyone out there again, lets do our research to start differentiating right from wrong and perhaps peel the hidden agendas. Indeed a good exposure.

Fifty bucks lunch.

2012-01-18T03:41:00.000-08:00

Class was like zoo today, grouping up with Arby the hot, muscular hunk and this Oman guy who was dreadfully funnay. So we couldn't help but chat with each other about Indian curry, and Akon sang for a Shah Rukh Khan's movie for free because he's such a fan, and Bollywood is better than Hollywood, and Manglish is easier than English, and ze lost key. We received a lot of 'threatening' stares from Susan and the other quiet classmates dictating us to shut up but yeah, they're just friendly eye languages telling us to focus. I haven't been the disobedient girl who comes to class to just monkey around with the naughty guys for so long yknoww, now it's just so addictive! Muehehe.

Since Dad couldn't fetch me immediately after class today and since TimeSquare is too far away (and I'm a complete dork when it comes to KayElle transportation), I turned down Amirizal and his military troop's invitation to meet up and crossed a few roads to KLCC. After flipping through some books at Kinokuniya and searching for the next sneakers to put on the to-buy list, I heard a rock band play its music from my tummy. The food court was full and I was alone. So I thought that I'd wanna get a comfy sit at the corner of some small cafe and just take out a book to read while having lunch f'course. Not knowing that cafes in KLCC are terribly expensive, I walked into this little cafe and took a sit at the corner like I planned to. The menu came flying open in front of my eyes and I almost chocked my own saliva. The first dish in the list costed forty bucks, the second one was thirty something, and I cursed before looking down to the third one. There was no way I could escape from there and so I decided to relax and treat myself those expensive food. The creme brulee was scrumptious but phoof (!), there went my fifty bucks. I was mad cuz I couldn't afford to finish the lasagna and the picture above explains it all.

Long story short, the twin tower ain't a place you'd want to hang out. It's a money trap, bummer.

Delhi girls :')

2012-01-17T08:02:00.000-08:00

That awkward moment when you tend to miss Nabilah Salleh,

and Diyana Adi gets jealous and pulls her face after that,

and Khairiyah Ezzah becomes the bully victim, again.

Day One!

2012-01-17T01:02:00.000-08:00

So yeah, there goes my first three hours session and I love it so much since it's prettay different from normal school classes. Nothing similar to a class of seventeen-years-old friends with aggressive teachers and intensive studies and pile of towering books on your very own desks and mentally torturing lessons, it's far better than that. Being in Upper-Intermediate White level was just magnifique! My teacher is a Scottish lady who made us call her Susan, my classmates consists of an Iranian-Turkish man around his fifties, a South Korean lady who sends her daughter to an international school in KayElle, a few gorgeously hijab-ed Iranian girls, some adult man from some parts of the world I'm not sure of and a few Malay and Chinese teenagers. So yeah, global interaction occurred and of course there were thousands of stories to be shared. Most of them had taken courses in British Council for quite some time and so they kinda knew each other, but they were so warm and welcoming, I didn't get the chance to feel like the black sheep of the flock. Which, is a good thing :)

We have a few modules to be completed throughout the course and today was full of debates between the male and female as our commencing topic was ze male's brain is bigger. (Pfft, and so what?) I super like the activities where you need to move around, in and outside the class to interact with the classmates and work things out to complete the task given. And everyone gets excited for a whole five minutes, and that moment it starts to get pretty boring and our butt felt heavy to move around already, we took our seats and let the silence indicate Susan that its time to move on to something else. Susan will fiddle and laugh her little inaudible giggle when the sound transformation occurs, digests the message and immediately proceeds. It's amazing when you get to run around and have fun with adults. Me being typical me, so full of expressions, jumpy like a jelly bean and like always the one who throws the highest pitch in class. People don't even notice I'm a newbie. Which, is again, a good thing :)

Easy said, all went well and I'm hungry for more tomorrow.
I didn't capture any photo. So, deal with the dullness :)

Been so away from it.

2012-01-14T21:25:00.000-08:00

Neil Gaiman: Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness.

Me: Love promised you a thousand words and it was the first reason I felt the joy of crying and laughing at the same time. It's like an old piece of jigsaw puzzle, you lost some of 'em between the cushions and under the bed, but the big picture is still there in the box, only crumbled and jumbled up. It's that feeling of melting to the old times while having dinner and then cursing yourself for walking down memory lane again. I feel like being brutally honest again but I'd rather drop the knife down and let these steps involuntarily walk out the door. People call it 'moving on', I think its more like 'getting busy and distracted'.

Barbie goes bald :)

2012-01-14T07:15:00.000-08:00

Blogger attacked my receptors again. And yeah, that visitor meter on the left side of this page tells me that you guys are looking forward for some updates. Ill pick up my lazy bum and scribble something down aye :)

Just if you guys don't know, cuz this news is not really spreading like wildfire, there's a possibility that Barbie is gonna go bald. According to the local source, two girls who had been suffering from cancer are campaigning for Mattel, the producer of this pretty and successful doll to voluntarily release a new and as usually beautiful Barbie, only without her long blond hair which had been a trademark for more than half a century. The campaign to improve girls' understanding towards other girls losing hair due to cancer treatment commenced with the launching of a page on Facebook with the title Beautiful and Bald Barbie! Lets see if we can make it.

Having read this article, I remembered those days when little girls like me wished to get Barbie's play house set during birthdays. Her bath tub, her purple ride, her sweet kitchen and plastic pots and pans, even the potty for Kelly to learn how to use the toilet. It amazed me how she could have almost everything that a girl wants. No need to mention the very few limited edition dolls of her dressing up as geishas and astronauts. I would say this Barbie girl here has all it takes to shake and stir growing up girls' lives and make em dream to own a life just like hers. And if you ain't a Barbie fan, lemme tell you, her life is perfecto mucho. Through out her 53 years of being a somebody (or something) to our hearts, everyone has to admit that she has achieved quite a lot and if she ever had parents, the old man would have been very proud of her.

She was first famous with her sweet looks- ribbons tied to her hair, simple summer dresses, shimmering high heels, lovely curves and XS thighs. The rule was as simple as: Everything has to be pink! Along with fashion development, she decided to be more daring modelling her leather pants, leopard-print scarves, loop ear rings, tutu skirts and bigger, longer ball dresses. By then, she even dressed up in cream and cake icing and stroke her pose on birthday cakes. Realizing that the world has started to look up to her, she taught the global society how to build dreams and earn money while keeping her as an inspiration. She disguised as a caring nurse and doctor with statoscopes, reporter and journalist wearing powerless, full-framed glasses, and a cook mixing cookie dough in her pink, flower printed mixing bowl. There was even a version of Barbie as CEO, laugh out loudd!

To expand her name as an icon, she gathered some of her girlfriends and directed themselves films full of adventures with of course, a handsome prince charming, mean and ugly antagonists, little pets as companions and of course, pink tail or wings for the fairy tale movies. And I am proud to admit I have some of the best Barbie movies at home! Play Station and Gameboy also invested on inventing games to dress up Barbie, be Ken's detective partner on a ship and baking gingerbread man with sprinkles on top. Her merchandise flood the toy section in malls and there's even an all-Barbie two floors store in MidValley now with a real styling salon and cafe. An absolute girls heaven. Eventhough there were competitions with new dolls who tried to steal her spotlight, she handled her MyScene and Bratz girlfriends not as nemesis, but not as friends either. She knew she was original and people would eventually stick to her, modern or princess-ish. The worst scenario would be her sharing the play house and hand bags with her rivals and being the nice girl, she couldn't show bad values to the kids by turning her smile upside down.

If Mom thinks I still deserve a Barbie doll for my birthday, I swear I'd still want it! (but just for collections perhaps). The whole idea of producing a bald Barbie to convey to the girls that it is not something to look awkwardly at when they see sick kids with falling hair, that some people are unfortunate and feel disturbed when beauty is judged on appearance particularly on ze hair style, that Barbie thinks its cool if you can't tie a ponytail or plait your hair is simply a superb idea. Personally, if I were a little girl who sees a bald Barbie on the shelf and some other stunning blond version of her, I''d definitely pick the second one. Therefore, if this campaign manage to influence Mattel to create the Bald and Beautiful Barbie, then dear parents, please be the agent to tell your girls what the mute doll has to say about her invisible hair. Don't count the money you get through this Mattel Inc., count how many hairless girls feel boosted to lead a happier life and to kill the shyness and intimidation they have kept swirling in their suffering. I support this cause and yes, I love pink!

Paths of glory.

2012-01-14T05:05:00.000-08:00

What Muslims should be doing with their smart phones.

Dan sesiapa yang menjadikan Allah dan rasulNya serta orang- orang yang beriman itu penolongnya (maka berjayalah dia), kerana sesungguhnya golongan (yang berpegang kepada agama Allah) itulah, yang tetap menang. [5:55]

Everytime I read the Quran, it's that feeling of falling in love again with Islam. Fireworks.

Entirely gay.

2012-01-12T00:11:00.000-08:00

He resembled a Chinese through the lazy eyes, but the voices in me agreed he's a Malay born. His vibrant checkered shirt was a contra to the whitening hair on his head. Leaning on the red cushion, he kept a calm face projecting the little grin I could see in his heart. He must be living a peaceful life, whether solitary or with a companion. Oh wait, there's a device hiding beneath his bulging belly. Such an authentic antique to young hearts like me, the walkman playing unknown melodies from his cassette collection was his best entertainment. A Pakistani man full of youth then occupied the seat on the same red cushion. They shook hands and the next moment the old man was exuberantly telling tales with unstoppable hand gestures aiding him as he expressed his thoughts. I surmised that this lucky fellow didn't get the chance to toil at dawn but despite the dusk, he knew it is better to gain something than dying in hunger of knowledge.

I was eyeing on this thought-provoking man during placement test this morning. Finally, the serendipity of diving into my passion. Alhamdulillah. And yeah, I hope to produce better writings very soon, for everyone's reading :)

Cups as cakes.

2012-01-10T18:45:00.000-08:00

Liyana's turning Eleven tomorrow :)

and here's a bit of homemade goodie bags for her classmates

Made by the Mean Sister, with lots of love <3

Fly to Jaybee.

2012-01-10T07:06:00.000-08:00

Moi: Diyana, haritukan we tried to work things out and I hope everything's gonna be fine for real lepas ni. Diyana, Mummy ngan Daddy marah tadi. Pfft, nak buat apa lagi ni. Diyana, I'm so stressed outt. Diyana, kite kan, rase kan.. Diyana, why la you're not here or I'm not there?

Toi: Ala, lepak la. You'll be okay.

Yeah, it has always been that way. She whines at me, I grudge at her. She complains about basketball, I cry about the school. She reads teenage-magical fictions, I read magazine articles. She hated when Dad sold the MPV, I cheered when Dad bought CRV. She has her Ipod, I have my HTC. She tells me I'm short, I tell her so what if you're tall. She disgusts pink, I make her wear pink. She's a Potter-Merlin-Percy maniac, I can only accept Merlin. She can draw while sleeping, I can write while yawning. She collects Converse, I go head over heels with Nike. She goes out without handbags, I carry my handbag full of her belonging. She boasts about STF, I exaggerate about SSP. She has knee problem, I got infected to it after. She's silently sentimental, I decide when to be sentimental. She's a scardy cat, I could be friends with mystical creatures. She teaches my guitar, I still suck at it. She never likes running, I'm a treadmill zealot. She talks, I laugh. She laughs, I hysterically laugh. She's a girlish girl trapped in tomboy's body, I'm a not so normal girl trapped in a dwarf's body. She sleeps with Tiara the confused giraffe( it looks like a cow somehow), I snuggle in bed with Tom the forever smiling cat. She's the nice sister, I'm the mean sister according to Lyanna. She's awesome, I have to agree.

Dude, I MISS YOU NO KIDDING.

Girls and perfume.

2012-01-09T00:55:00.000-08:00

My very best so far, Secret Superstar :)

Let's leave the heavy issues, and settle down with a light one which connects you and me, girls and boys, superstars and businessmen, big and not so big spenders. Somebody sprayed perfume on me this morning :)

I remembered purchasing a bottle of Britney Spears newly released perfume, Curious during a holiday in Perth a few years back. The blue, diamond-ish container just lured me and eheyy it was on sale. I liked the scent, suitable for electric and multitasking ladies. That was the start of my little interest in pretty perfume bottles produced by the divas. You name it- Hilary Duff, Beyonce, Fergie, Rihanna, Mariah Carey. And yes, Justin Bieber just released his perfume brand. So JB fans, you can start screaming now -.- Anyway, I used to be the girl who wanted herself to be noticed by the crowd when she enters a room. Yeah you got it, like that moment when Cinderella enters the ball room and takes her steps down the staircase and everyone just got enchanted by her looks. And thanks to ze fragrances I sprayed all over me which sometimes even chocked myself to its eccentric smell, I think I kinda got the spotlight baby.

I understand how girls are really attracted to sweet, elegant scents and I do believe sometimes perfume scents pave us the short cut to appear stylish and more importantly wealthy. It is indeed a brilliant way to captivate the opposite gender also you get the chance to uplift confidence level once being soaked in it. Some buy it for their loved ones, some give theirs away so other people remember them forever. But lets look at this from Islam perspective. Is it even permissible for girls to apply perfume before going out? Yes, but only if you do not walk pass by a man and can prevent from the sweet fragrance of yours from travelling into his nostrils. Now that's quite impossible huh?

Don't get me wrong. Wearing perfume is considered an act of charity insofar as good perfume benefits others by its pleasant smell. Good smells also have a profound effect on the soul, which yearns for beauty. Even a hadeeth had stated “The Prophet (peace be upon him) would not refuse perfume.” But the Prophet (peace be upon him) also once said, “Any woman who puts on perfume then passes by people so that they can smell her fragrance, is an adulteress.” and ‘If a woman comes out to the mosque and her fragrance is overpowering, Allaah will not accept any prayer from her until she goes home and washes herself.’'

Why? Easy. Because it provokes men's desire. And a resource here told me that biologists have discovered a sexual gland in the nose, which means there is a direct connection between the sense of smell and the provocation of desire. Knowing this fact, I started restricting myself from applying any fragrance before going out even though 95% of Seri Puteri consists of girls. That's gotta be the perfect place to get used to the absence of my favourite scents. Baby lotion smells nicer since then haha although I still constantly eye on new perfumes on the shelves.

I have to admit it wasn't easy to get hands completely off fragrances but I find it easy to believe that the rulings of the sharee’ah is precise and came to preserve modesty and to block the ways that lead to immorality. Why don't you try? :)

My PKTR interview issue.

2012-01-08T23:01:00.001-08:00

And thank you Anwar Hadi for vlogging a bit if not much about the same thoughts I had in me.

For those who don't know about this, c'mon SPM is over and start being a part of Malaysia. You don't have to be on the Gov or Opp side, or decide on who is right or wrong, just take some time to sit, read and think about these happenings. But before you comment on anything, please take my advice. Just shut up and keep the thoughts to yourself for now, but don't give up on reading and f'course thinking. Too many voices spoil the harmony. Try be Madame speaker, specifically a think tank rather than the lousy debaters. We need more intellectuals, not deceivers.

I have a lot to say.

2012-01-08T22:51:00.000-08:00

A warning to the people. The good and the evil. This is war. To the soldier, the civilian. The martyr, the victim. A warning to the prophet. To the liar, to the honest. To the leader, the pariah, the victim, the Messiah. This is war.

It's the moment of truth, the moment to lie. The moment to live, and the moment to die. The moment to fight.

It's a brave new world.

-30 Seconds to Mars sensed it, we are all rolling to an edge.

Masterchef :D

2012-01-05T20:49:00.000-08:00

My very own Ayam Percik.yaay, i feel awesome! :D

sorry blur piccha, webcam.

Fishes.

2012-01-05T05:23:00.000-08:00

This feeling just sucks. Enough for today. Boo.

First of Jan!

2012-01-01T06:02:00.000-08:00

TO THE COOLEST AND FUNKIEST DAD ON EARTH

HAPPY 52nd BIRTHDAY

AND OF COURSE WE LOVE YOU :)

My little successor :)

2011-12-31T07:09:00.000-08:00

I am so sorry I chose this picture since we don't have any piece together.
And yeah, only awesomely freaky pics are allowed to appear on my bloggay :)

Thank the calender, you guys still get to indulge and jump around to the New Year's firework at home. It wasn't this way last year, so you people are lucky :) I intended to write my good luck wish for you on pieces of paper and then paste it all over the room, but muehehehe I was kinda preoccupied with SPM and cancelled the plan. So here goes my last words for you.

I know I've shared with you a hell lot of my experience but guess what, they won't be the mirror to yours. Things will be a little bit hectic the first few months but once you get through it, vavavoom you'll never believe it that it was you who made it all the way. Enjoy yourself helping the teachers, never get bored of handling your friends and juniors antics. Whenever you feel down, find a hand to help get you back up. Remember, you have your Faithful Four, they'll never turn their backs to you as long as you know how to keep the bond strong. And I believe you have your wide circle of friends to hold your back. This is your stage, this is your year. Rule it well and rule it your way. My oh my, I am seriously out of words. Cuz guess what kiddo, I don't think you need any of my advice. You're strong, you're full of ideas, you are the best to take care of Seri Puteri. Enjoy the warmness of the room, it was one of the best places in the world to me. If you ever reach that moment when you feel nobody understands you, I'll be here and trust me as long as it's about the job, I'll be more than an understanding sister to you :) But I won't be surprised if I don't hear anything from you, you're obviously tougher than I was. Give it your best shot and never regret any of your actions. Pick up lessons as you walk along the lane full of tears of despair and happiness. Never leave studies completely, catch up with em when you have that bit of free time on the weekends. Show every soul your burning spirit, they'll need you to be their inspiration. Although a speaker once told me that being yourself is a bad advice, ditch that! Just be you Aliah, our special and talented HEADGIRL :) You go girl, I have complete faith in you.

p/s: I cabar you, try be Bonda's bestfriend :D muehehehe

My 2011 Wrap Up!

2011-12-29T20:28:00.000-08:00

Ihsanmeans being the best that you can be. And the road to perfection leads to nowhere because there isn't such destination. This year had taught me so muchabout myself- how hopeless and vulnerable I once was and how a leap of faithhelped turned my world 360 degrees around. It was full of electrifyingthunderstorms, bad hair days and self-reconstructions, but those are thereasons why now I know that life's biggest boundary is nothing else but myself. I'm proud to say, I've shredded Two Thousand Eleven's boundariesand I'm ready for more.

Januaryis shared by Capricorns and Aquarius in the sky. On earth, it was the start ofa journey I thought would never come to an end. Duty was calling me on the unfortunate thirty-first December and yes SeriPuteri, we met again. Mom and the two sisters were massive help at dusting andsweeping the filthy room, their first touch that very day was the ultimate reasonto the calmness and security I indulged in that cubic room the next elevenmonths. Peeping out the door, I carved an ensuring smile on my face withintentions to crack the nerve craze jumping like popping popcorns in me, as Isaw the plate hanging against the wall written ‘Bilik Ketua Pelajar’. No more hesitationlet the year begin!

Handlingthe newly enrolled youngest sisters was definitely a headache. It just did notmake sense. It was thought-provoking how they could ask for peculiar things andmade extraordinary demands. Hair dryers (yikes), cell phones and toasters werejust ridiculous wishes that even Aladin’s genie wouldn’t have fulfilled. TheForm One’s talent night was indeed a stress reliever and bravo to the membersof Amigas, I had to say it was pretty awesome the event from you first timers.Being one of the judges among the teachers was a great appreciation andwitnessing a neat and enjoyable event felt like drinking a cup of cool lemonade.Relieving and refreshing!

The closure of January was a solid stamp on my heart. Twenty-eighth was the birth date of yours truly and I still remembered how much I was loved by everyone. Yes, everyone. The midnight surprise was an indescribable chaos and the very next day, KLCC witnessed what a man madly in love would plan and spend for his lucky girl on her birthday.

First of February, a wish was made to come true. Mom and Dad showered the little sisters and I with the most luxurious of birthday party ever (not exactly, but it was more than enough for me). Held at KLGCC’s bowling alley, the closest friends barged in the party and we had a blast knocking those pins down. The three of us Power Puffs experienced being a millionaire’s daughters but our love for mummy and daddy definitely worth more than just a million. A big merci boucoup to Garfield for her gift, that Funky Monkey pyjama is indeed my very best sleeping attire now!

The days passed by normally- waking up with homework undone and clinging eye bags as extra features on the face, conducting boring morning assemblies, struggling to keep eyes open and mind engines working, stepping in and out the staff room with recognizable sound of the high heels, calling out ‘Girls stand!’ at the dining hall, burning prep hours into black ashes settling other workloads and putting homework aside and finally, sleeping with face buried in books. Those were the days when nobody knew how torturing and mentally-challenging life was. I have to admit, dashing to school and rushing like Speedy Gonzales to conduct morning assemblies without having a bath and definitely missed Subuh prayers were silliness I never wanted to commit but couldn’t prevent from happening. To not make those days miserable ones, I’d say, ‘Hey, at least you’ve topped up your beauty sleep.’ and walked the day without anyone noticing any unpleasant odour around them. Not to blame the school, but who asked them to give me a room on my own with no front window or even a small hole on the door for anyone to peep inside so they could be my alarm clock and shake me up?

Like past years, Kursus Ketua dan Penolong Ketua Murid finally marked itself onto my organizer in this particular month. At first, the thought of needing to look like a neat freak, walk like a sophisticated business women, talk like a debater and behave like skema school leaders left me biting my lower lips. ‘Jaga nama baik sekolah.’ I hated that line from the deepest pit of my heart. However, things and perception were automatically altered when that Tunku Kurshiah headgirl, the deputies of Malay College and Sains Seremban and this Seri Puteri girl grouped ourselves together. With these active monkeys, I was totally being me and with them too, the course felt more like a holiday vacation with your best friends.ion. We grabbed the victory of the Penguin Game, made the best and the one and only presentation in English (got criticized due to the usage of language though, judges said they couldn’t understand much), had Delifrance lunch while other groups were still working and of course, walked to the park all dispersed and out of line. It was all terribly awesome but yeah, the times spent and emotions shared with my Timbalan was particularly priceless!

. Cyber Run and no practice? I thought it would be hard but any long route is possible as long as ears are plugged and music is blaring. Dreams of obtaining another medal crushed, but it was good enough managing to be the early birds at the finishing line for a girl who hadn’t run for quite some time. Although Emerald ended up being at the bottom, we all knew that four was just a number, one that offered challenge.

My deep affection towards charity work and the simple valueof helping people in need gave birth to a project proposal originally called theTLC Team, aiming at organizing charity programmes in the school with theinvolvement of every single student. I also thought that sisterhood bond anduniversal love needed to be inculcated at an alarming rate. Alas, the fewcopies of proposal were left as abandoned hopes. Bonda rejected them all. Therejection may be caused by my failure in presenting it during the limited timeof recess period, or was it just her who had billions of better, more brilliantideas for the school? I don’t know but I was disappointed, and still am.

I remembered being interviewed and did some super diva(haha) photo shoot at the school fountain with this really cute Abang from BeritaHarian during January’s form one registration. I was so happy he gave me hisnumber and said would contact me when the article is published. Screamed myskulls out! So, yeah my face was out on papers on one of the days of March and I couldn’t believe my eyeballs, my blue tudung looked perfect (or was itcamera trick?)!

Beingchosen to present a paper work at Johore International Student Leadersconference was ze chance I was patiently waiting for after Delhi.Anyhow,the JSL were warm and I have to say they did a job well done in arranging theconference. Met this Sultan Ibrahim Girls School very friendly and fun girl,that joyah and jumpy Tunku Kurshiah friend, that Tun Fatimah head girl to-be(?), those three Royal Military attention seekers, that ELSpresident also basketball vice-captain however an untalkative bunny of Dato’Abdul Razak, that scary stalker who got attracted by moi (haha) who was thealso the odd one out of the JSL group and yes, a hell lot of people includingthe most admired Puan Tengku (former principal of SSP and TKC, very very coolthis woman). The presentation entitled ‘Student Leaders in the Face of GlobalDiversity: Looking Down to the Ground’ was delivered finely. I even needed moretime conveying about the uprise in the Middle East and its corruptedleadership. Best part of the conference, final dinner on the ferry cruise atDanga Bay where they were all busy dancing and partying, so we girls busiedourselves munching the finger-licking good Chinese dishes down.

The fortieth Majlis Anugerah Cemerlang. Thank you Seri Puteri for appreciating ze time and energythe previous heads had sacrificed throughout their ruling era. And of course,thank you so very much for the Five Hundred Malaysia bucks and that silver plateand the piala pusingan! You funded this little lappy of mine and I was so happyI got my life back :) It was kind of upsetting though that Mom and Dad weren’tinvited to see me being Puteri Perdana Kepimpinan. They would have leapt uphigh and jumped so excitedly back home LOL.

April ended with a surprise visit while I was busy studying in class. Sorry I was mad cuz you entered my territory without telling but thank you i truly appreciate it :) The orange bag? It wasn't even mine. Haha.

Teacher's Day speech was my best speech so far. Im not sure if the teachers were touched, but yeah tears ponded my own eyes while giving out the speech. It was the last Teacher's Day for us fivers and yes, it had to be a memorable one. So we planned up the performance, stayed up and practiced to make sure it'll work for real. The teachers ended up speechless, even Bonda cried when the last part approached. We know we couldn't repay their deeds but we wanted them to feel appreciated. And Alhamdulillah, we did.

Throughout the practice sessions preparing for Sports Day,things had been chaos. My cheer team faced so much problems and I have to admitI hate cheerleading this year. Juggling between practices and other stuff, Iwas a mess and the messiness of my room explained it all. I also hated to seethe track so packed with people, haha. It was all mine though after Sports Day.As usual, preparations made were massive which sometimes I think is a waste. Theday commenced with marching performance and I looked like a mascot wearing thathuge athletic wind-breaker and marching like Goofy in the front. Emerald wasfirst to perform and when the music started we were ready to go. But aseveryone knew, I ruined the performance while catching our flyer coming downafter accomplishing her side balance extension. I fell and it felt like the deepest and darkest hole in the ground. 'Hip Hip Hooray!’ wasn’t my line for the year. I foundmyself in Putrajaya Hospital on a wheel chair and in the cheer costume, withglitters and bling bling glued on my face, a worried dad and glares from peoplefull of question marks in their heads.

The never-ending visits from people who thinks SSP is so cool started to piss me off. Although the fivers aren't the one being the chaperons anymore, I couldn't escape the job still. This time around, I was really tired already. All the five of us were. All we did on the high table during dinner was whined around about when are the new Top Fives gonna be elected. We started to panic about the big exam. I needed to drop some duties and was determined to get back on track with studies. I've never been outstanding throughout upper form exams and even missed out the list of Silver awards achiever during Mid Term One exam.

This year's Ramadhan was the best holy month my whole life and Im not kidding. This was the month God permitted me to be closer and nearer to Him than ever. I loved every single day of Ramadhan, I heard things I never heard before, I witnessed God's creation which turn out to be magical to my eyes. Everything was normal, normal yet different. I felt different calmness, I thought different thoughts, I felt different strength, I found another option of happiness. As cliche as this may sound, yes, I couldn't explain vividly how I felt. I believe it was God's wisdom. I broke someone's heart and I started a new journey. A voyage towards a life to attain God's blessings.

Abang was in Malaysia and it was finally our Aidil Fitr celebration. Eheyy, when Ukay, Cyberjaya and Jaybee reunite, this planet can explode! We had a good time at Nenek's in Kayelle and headed straight back to Pekan that evening. Despite our big exams, Dyanna and I did enjoy our feast on Day One and Two. But I was seen with crooked face answering Addmaths in kampung while Dyanna still played around the days after. Ngeh, smarty pants. Abang's presence just lighted up our raya like mercun warna- warni. Ate and laughed like donkeys and in a blink of an eye, school was calling and another trial was waiting.

RETIREMENT DAY(!) the day I've been waiting for all my life, NOT.yes, I was exhausted managing the school but boy I surely missed it already.i remembered taking my seat at the high table and just gazed at the dining hall scenery from there.I couldn't help but wept. I loved my job but it was time to say goodbye :') So there goes the last 'Girls stand!' and the last day of being Super Girl. The speech given was another emotional one and hello Aliah Syamina, be ready to face the doom headgirl :D

Now that the burden on my shoulders were lifted, it was time to focus. These Tekun people had been the best classmates for two years straight. Yes, there were only 28 of us and we rarely study in the lecture hall with the Science people. Class had never been dull with these artsy students and we were lucky to have teachers who put their heads in the game with us. Everyday advices, everyday exercises, everyday jokes. Our Science teacher, Teacher Hatijah's husband passed away somewhere in October i think and we mourned and cried with her. The most enjoyable class is of course Economy with Sensei Jalida because it'll turn out to be not an economy class but sex education, plain gossip or current issues sessions, depends. Accounts was an exciting struggle with the most determined and awesomely pwetty account teacher who loved to buy us doughnuts, Cikgu Rosmaliza. We were the most unique class with the weakest student to the most brainy one, yet we blended well :) Best part, we had less paper than the science people!

That is my most understanding and dreadfully awesome PeeKaypee :) and yeah, she did an awesome job calming me down for this biggest speech. Malam Selingkar Kasih was the night for my beloved batch mates and we ruled it! The speech went out well although a littlle bit dragging. All of a sudden during the VVIP's speech, he said 'Cik Amalina ni kalau diasah boleh jadi ahli politik yang baik satu hari nanti.' Hahaha, thank you I take that as a compliment. You made me consider political science now :) Papa Jam was the one who checked my text and anyhow I couldn't forget what he replied to my email the day after the dinner :') Mom and Dad was the proudest parents that night and they finally realized who their daughter actually was.

Every one of us was feeling the heat of SPM. Some also grieving about the farewell that was about to come. The Five of us kind of went our own ways too, letting ourselves get absorbed by books and keeping it silent during dinner. So for auld lang syne, I decided to show em a little bit of appreciation, dedicate all my thanks to them and letting the old bitter sweet times flood in with a little cocktail cake. Had a blast with them and then it was time for sleepover on the floor :) Anyway, I could never thank you guys enough for the hard work and support. Love love.

SPM arrived and I know that everyone's prayers was what kept me moving the whole period of time. One paper after another, every one of them accomplished with prayers filled with gratitude and a confident smile. Also a rush to the toilet most of the times LOL. Economy paper two marked the end of our used-to-be biggest fear. Sixth December, I happily bade farewell to Seri Puteri- a five years shelter I will remember forever.

So here I am realizing that another January is crawling in. Yes, you're right my birthday is coming up HAHA. Nobody ever told me being home was not easy. I took some time adapting with home, fixing the wreckage found between me and my family members, crept out of my know-it-all attitude, injected fun and brought back Ama the way she should be at home. Used to be so powerful and now zero power, I walked down the stairs and took a trip back to where I belong. Im done, now let's see what I've planned for the brand new year.Thank You Allah, for everything :')

Pass the message.

2011-12-29T02:39:00.000-08:00

In shock, she asks you how on earth are you a Muslimah and not wearing the hijab? How can you have the nerve to pray but then take off your garment in public? How is it that you tell people you will make du’a for them when you aren’t even close to being a good Muslimah?!

Just. Stop.

The physical modesty in Islam is highly valued for many reasons, and we should encourage our sisters in faith to consider moving a step forward and think about doing so.

But in NO way do we have the right to believe we completely understand their struggle. There is NO way that Allah has given us the humane right to judge our sisters in faith and criticize their behavior. We are in no ultimate position to say what a good Muslimah and a bad Muslimah is; Quran defines what a true believing man and woman is.. no need for inflammation of the ego.

Please brothers and sisters of the Islamic faith, or not of the Islamic faith, take into consideration that every Muslim woman is facing complete and ultimate struggles. Just because she does not wear the veil, it does not mean that her sincerity towards obeying Allah is invalid. It does not mean her solat is invalid. And it does not mean her worship is invalid. Her Islam is progression, and to believe otherwise is being very judgmental.

Yes, promote good and forbid evil among your brothers and sisters in faith, but watch your attitude and behavior towards every situation. And Muslimahs who are not wearing the hijab, I love you, and you’re amazing. Keep doing what you do and NEVER forget who Allah is!

Islam is cool.

2011-12-28T22:28:00.000-08:00

Who am I to you and what are you to me?

Lets get something straight amidst this ecstasy

I don't remember buying any ring or saying "I do"

What rights do you have over me and I over you?

The very same rights that my other friends have

We're friends! And not each other's half

Nothing more and nothing less

But if you want more than that then be my guest

But no more of this can I take

The more I love Allah the more of this I hate

The lust of love and the love of lust

I must escape this prison, I must!

My hand is yours for the taking

All I want is Allah's blessing

If we're on the same page, me and you

Ask me the question and I will say "I do"

Thumbs up Aiman Azlan! Keep sending us remembrance of Allah and my respect is all yours :)

For heart refreshments brothers and sisters, do visit:

www.aimanazlan.com or this is better http://www.youtube.com/aimanazlan90

Almost there.

2011-12-28T01:24:00.000-08:00

Me bestfwiends: Tom, Pearl, Glitter, Choki, Guava, Stubby and Lizzie

I've been giving life a lot of thought and I vomited a lot of words in results. Boy, seems that I never really get bored of writing. I should be a journalist one day with a scoop huge enough to enthrall and shake the community. My dad had been worried about my future these few days, mom seems to be following his steps. Sometimes you get yourself when you're alone, but sometimes too things crowd up your mind and you realize you're experiencing India and its endless honking culture once again.

A lot of questions are popping, but I ain't gonna doubt life again. I believe it's the tendency of teen agers to be curious about a lot of things. Can you make sense of this; Remember how the madness in Middle-East in toppling their dictator leaders commenced? This depressed man of Tunisia burned himself up, signifying the pain and affliction, depression and desperation Tunisians were facing. I couldn't remember his name, it was something like Bouzzi or some name starting from the letter B. And of course, he was a Muslim. Therefore originally, the act of committing suicide is a heavy sin in Islam. But without this man sacrificing himself, would Libya, Egypt, Tunisia itself and some other Muslim countries free themselves from dictatorship and devastating lives on their own land which turned out to be hell? In fact, some of these countries are now being taken over by Islamist parties. Despite their hidden agendas, at least they're there, finally getting the chance to improve many things that haven't been practiced the right way based on our two most precious reference left by the Prophet (pbuh) and rebuild the respected Muslim civilization centuries ago. So, has the man I mentioned earlier committed sin by turning himself into ashes or is there such thing as unintended jihad? For God's sake, he just caused the globe to roll itself off its axis this whole year. Thought provoking, so throw me some ideas. What do you think?

I need to get myself revived so badly. Guess it's finally time for New Year's Resolution.

Have any request or suggestions for my Twenty Twelve?

Hit me at ze shoutbox and help make my year worth it!

Beamed.

2011-12-27T07:32:00.000-08:00

27th December 2011

Today a pathetic guy spitted right into my face telling me 'Cuz you are a sore loser' and miraculously the very next minute another guy told me 'And you're really nice fyi'. God is always fair, Subhanallah.

Call this desperate.

2011-12-26T21:45:00.000-08:00

ROFL (!)

teghibly funnay weyy

Silly again

2011-12-26T21:03:00.000-08:00

The last time I answered these silly questions was when whateverlife.com was the in thing and i was literally twelve :) so, here goes honest answers from moi and thanks dear Syaza Nazura for ze tag :)

one.describe yourself in three words:

Oh so awesome (!)

two.are you thinking about someone at the moment?:

i understand that sometimes people struggle to think of creative, attractive, exciting answers for this one.but, hello art of honesty, i ain't got anybody on my mind :) blame peaceful me.

three.If given the chance, which moment in your life would you go jback to?

Definitely those moments full of surprises- Dad and the Yamaha piano, Mom and that cheap music player, Dyanna and her good luck banner, Aiman and the birthday video.

four.You have two boxes of gifts; one big box that is worth a lot, and one small one that has sentimental values. Which would you choose, and why?

How do I know that the small gift contains such sentimental values? So yeah, at the state of being sane and unsure of anything sparkling from any one of em, Id take that big onee because i know Santa and ze elves wrapped that one fer me (!)

five.Your favourite artist / celebrity, and why?

my Justin Bieber wannabe sister :) oh duh, who else can do the phenomenal Bieber hairflip like she can.super talented (!) haha

six.Which season of the year do you most dislike?

Back to school season, so cheers this season just waved me goodbye!

seven.You're stuck on a deserted island, and you can only have one person with you. Who would you choose?

Im not gonna be biased, so it would be anyone of you guys- Diyana, Liyana or AzimNa haha :D

eight.You can invite three person to a party, whether they are living or dead. Who would they be?

They shouldn't be some party animal aye? So, Aizaa Azhar, Shiqin Azlan and Adlina Hamdan YOU ARE INVITED (!)

nine.What is your ultimate dream?

Ohho, MY ultimate dream.i wanna travel around the world, serve in humanitarian aid missions, work for an international organization as the voice of Malaysia and managing events at world stage.and KAHWIN :D

ten.What's your perspective on life?

Life without religion is forest without trees. You plant those trees with love, and love only comes from God. He lets you approaches Him when you approach his religion, and that's Islam :)

eleven.Why are you answering this question?

I don't work and I've got three more months to fill with absolute nothingness, so anymore surveys?

O' eleven vacation

2011-12-26T03:25:00.000-08:00

That was the end of it, Bandung was the BOMB

From rupiah billionaires to rupiah bankrupts, all spent was worth it :)

The crowded city was no more than a normal holiday spot,

the touch of abnormality was given by the ones who visited it.

The ultimate family fun, I couldn't ask for more.

I love you Taib clans :) you too brother!

Little pink penguin.

2011-12-20T22:44:00.001-08:00

Aww Nelli :')

All the best for tomorrow's results budak kecik,

I know you'll ace it and yes whatever the results is

Im already proud of you

because you've improved so much and it was all you

Im glad you wanted to share your stories with me through out the year

we sure did have fun in front of that nasty door of mine, didn't we?

insyaAllah, the best of EIGHT As for you

p/s: you guys too Diyana Taib and Maryamyamyam :)

Our winding road.

2011-12-20T16:58:00.000-08:00

Buttercup and her best friend, some nasty dude from Mummies Alive :D

I like when a guy and a girl are so close they're like brothers and sisters, but they don't think of each other anything more than friends. Venting to each other about their relationships, school, friends, family etc. And they get different point of views because they're both different genders. And the feeling of having each other and not needing to listen to the same crappy advice from her own emotional girls or his hopeless guys. Giving endless support and personal thoughts, they're there to be frank and honest about each other. The most important thing is they won't hurt or treat you badly, how some typical person from the opposite gender would. Haha, that sounds emotional. Well, it's different, and it's terrific to have this guy best friend.

Pink clouds and blue airplanes.

2011-12-20T16:38:00.000-08:00

The vibe over blogging has literally declined, I'm off to ze journal.

'Get ready to shop till we drop'

Those words jumped out of Mom's mouth like jumping jellybeans

Well, once said, the cash will have to jump out her pocket for real :)

Experiencing Bandung, shopping treat for all

Take care Malaysians, hello Indonesians lol

Hakunamatata.

2011-12-16T08:36:00.000-08:00

I'M NOT FEELING AS GOOD AS AN AMA SHOULD, MAYDAY.

BUT HEY, THE FISHES ARE STILL SWIMMING,

SO NOTHING'S GOING ON WRONG.

That's my Bouncing Castle !

2011-12-15T07:40:00.000-08:00

I'll expose one at a time some secretly written words from my 2011 organizer to summarize the year <3

''I can be me;

who can talk to the Prime Minister, chat with the poor and listen to a friend''

Grooved and giggled.

2011-12-15T06:30:00.000-08:00

Assalamualaikum, tak jawab dosa (aww, those childhood lines)

My type of ride :)

So yesterday, I finally attended my own five-hours driving talk.some amusing things happened throughout the day.some for you readers to ponder on and some for you just read and shut up.well, you can laugh if you want to.LOL.

When I arrived at the TTDI driving center at nine, the gate was still locked. (take note: Amalina Taib is punctual) Since we, me and Bibik strolled from home, we took some breaths and made funny faces to each other since she couldnt make sense why the Seven Eleven convenient store was called Seven Eleven.( take note: Amalina Taib teaches her bibik general knowledge everyday) She went back on the bike she dragged all the way there and I climbed up the stairs with the kakak who arrived a few minutes later.Lucky me, I bumped into my old friend from primary school, this friend i used to lepak lepak at her house between school and co curriculum sessions back then even though she had a snowy white super fluffy cat at home. (take note: Amalina Taib freaks out big time when anything involves those creature called cats) So we started chatting about some cliche, when-you-encounter-old-friends topics, until that moment she asked 'Ade boyfriend tak?' (take note: that is one of the early questions she inquired)

I couldn't help but chuckle.out of all the questions in this ever so wide, full of lush green fields world why oh why that question? haha, well it's no offence for me but that got me thinking all day long.clear this up for me, is having boyfriends the 'in' thing these days? ladies and gentleman, there is nothing to feel miserable about when you don't have those affectionate companion from the opposite gender.and i don't totally go against it either.the issue here is, are people actually classifying other people in particular groups according to their status and then choose whether to hang out with them or not? that's plastic, people.ill have another post about this, but at the mean time, just please think about it.(take note: Rationally, please) anyway, I answered, 'Broke up a few months back.'

Lets cut long story short. After a few minutes talk started, two Chinese guys entered the room. They kinda looked the same- long, dyed-red fringes covering the eyes, pouch bag slung around their skeleton figure, plain shirts, not so baggy denim, all looking so otai and gangster head to toe.through out the talk, i observed the people in the dim lighted room, see if anyone's halfway dreaming.it amazed me, the two Ah Chongs were having fun and paying so much attention to the speaker who plays with the toy car, lorry, motorbike et cetera since he started opening his mouth.(take note: the cikgu looks like Puss inn Boots in human version :D) and at the end of the class, the Cikgu said, 'Saya sangat bangga dengan ini dua Ah Chong. Sebab saya tahu diorang ni tak suka pergi kelas lima jam macam ni, tapi diorang berjaya habiskan kelas ni. Teruskan usaha ya Ah Chong, sampai dapat lesen lu.' Yeah, they look like some bastards who cannot bear classes and plays truant all their lives. So its true, don't judge a book by its cover, not even a man by his otai appearance. Its eye-opening, im proud of 'em too.

We ended the class after approximately three and a half hours of toy vehicles puppet show with a choir of the national anthem :D A few steps out the door, a guy in red behind me called out, 'Eh, kau kaypee SSP kan? Amalina Taib.' Oh not again, cmon this is no more school years dude. My guess hit bull's eye, he was from Alam Shah although he didn't wanna tell at first.LOL.I decided to walk home with the old friend and took our own routes in the middle of the way.fortunately, it rained cats and dogs and I had a stupendous time jogging-running-walking-splashing-laughing in the rain with nobody else but me.been craving to mandi hujan for quite some time already (take note: playing in the rain is an offence in SSP, funny, i know =.=) got back giggling and drenched head to toe, poor new sneakers.

What a dadaday! :D

Lets go ROFL.

2011-12-14T09:05:00.000-08:00

Deny that. Universal love works better. For now at least.

See you guys tomorrow, I've got loads to write.

Good night twinkling stars :)

Her deeds I won't forget.

2011-12-13T06:43:00.000-08:00

Amalina Taib

teacher happy birthday :)
may Allah ease your way through the upcoming years and may you always be the high-spirited teacher syira i know no matter how big the challenge is.thank you so much tchr, for everything :)

One fine morning.

2011-12-12T18:56:00.000-08:00

Morning peeps! I intended to tag along with dad sending Mom to the train station then head to the club and get some muscles built.LOL.well, he's off to play golf(the most idle sports ever existed, or is it lawnball?), it'd be great to start hitting the walls with my already dusty squash racket.but something shook my blogger's nerve to write this sunny morning, so i'd just go speedy deedy on the treadmill after this, oh no after Gol&Gincu at nine :)

Well, today marks my one week of cool and relaxing at home after SPM, and that also means leaving the school surau for a week already.frankly speaking, what I really miss about school is the serene times spent at the surau.i believe anyone of us who had been living our teenage lives in boarding schools would have realized that we were so blessed to have such comfortable and warm places to perform our obligations and recite our du'a, without facing much disturbance(excluding the noise and chatters).somehow, a prayer with utmost focus and feeling of being so down to earth and of being such a sinful slave to our Creator is potentially arose when the room and atmosphere we're in is filled with people who desires to feel khusyu' too.

What i love most about being in a single gender community is the freedom to speak about what is right and what is not, the courage to spread words about the real way of life, the intention begging inside this vulnerable heart of mine to help shape and guide my friends and sisters to start a lifestyle how real muslimahs should live their lives and be proud of it. It's never too late to start, and when i get the chance to lend a bucket of advise or just both these ears to listen to their typical teenage problems or life drama or confusion towards the our religion, that's when I get reminded about these things. Therefore, it's Ama with better awareness everyday, and that's an undefined blessing.

Being away from the circle of people who never gets bored of gently throwing out advises to people, even when those being advised stubbornly rejected and endlessly jeered at them, it is not easy in keeping up to this self strength and keeping this faith in me all mighty.i was told that hearts get blackened and dry within three days of the absence of simple guidance and remembrance of God or what we call tazkirah.back then, there wasnt one day that they forgot to tell us about the luxury of being obedient Muslims and there wasnt one day they slipped off narrating ancient tales about our Prophet(peace be upon him).i was lucky because i was always reminded, i never got left out.they never forget me, Allah never forgets me.day by day, one tender reminder after another, i started to built this particular affection towards what was being conveyed at the front of a halaqah of SSPian.it's fact, human beings choose good values over bad ones, we get attracted to people doing good deeds, men find nice and decent women to be their spouses.

Being home instantly means being exposed to music, telly, shopping malls, social interaction, fashion and all that is equal to fun, danger and in certain cases, wilderness.Western influence is everywhere and you know it.here's a rough guess: anywhere your shelter is, anywhere your family members are, no eeman and you'll fall.well, Im nobody to say that but that's what Ive been observing after peeping some fellow friends' Facebook album.all i wanna say here is never take His light or hidayah for granted.find something that'll constantly remind yourself of Him.because every situation are supposed to be perfect remembrance of the Almighty.sometimes there's no need to find, all that needs to be done is to feel and immediately act.commit yourself to some charity project, cycle around the neighborhood and build silaturrahim, follow you dad to the mosque, anything.

Find a strong shelter for your heart to live.and find good people to help protect it too.

Im spending my day with Jaajiijoll and Masmismus :) till i see your smile again, later!

I can be luckier.

2011-12-11T01:41:00.001-08:00

I just deleted that long paragraph. I'll write again, later.

Just found my way back :)

Productivity: 60%

Fun: 70%

Im pushing myself, help.

2011-12-10T09:20:00.001-08:00

Safe on the pavement.

2011-12-10T08:50:00.001-08:00

There's a tiny heart in me, screaming and grumbling about too many things. A little voice is continuously telling me as if i don't know, 'This is the real world you're walking on.' It's nothing complicated. It can't be fatal. It's something I'm getting used to, just coping with it bit by bit. Looking at it as the complicated process of learning how to tie shoelaces when you were small. Some mothers teaches you to do it this way, but fathers may tell you there's another way of doing it. I'm just on the first part of the tutorial, tying the knot and. And for now, it seems kinda tough for me and the feeling transports me back to the days when I was new. New to a place, new to a crowd, new to an environment. I'm being very observant, but as I keep focusing, more and more of these disturbing observations keep flooding in. Guess this is the real world. Need to get myself ready to compete, need to get myself done with a perfect bow on my sneakers.

Ama, stay warm and beautiful. And never lose faith in Him.

Pretending you're Pikachu helps. Let's zap the world!

Not growing any taller.

2011-12-08T02:31:00.001-08:00

Salam peops :)

It's my second day being home for good, and I ain't feeling much boredom, which IS supposed to be a good thing. How did I feel after the last paper? Uhuh, pretty normal. Well, it's kind of cliche how people say it's a phase of freedom after SPM has ended, don't you think? I mean, we have all been free all this while. It's either you choose to feel free or not, that's all. And to me, there's no such thing as there's finally no more of remembering all those agitating facts from the thick textbooks. Well yeah, there's a some sprinkled truth on that fact, but hey we should have all studied for the sake of God and definitely to get equipped with basic knowledge to lead ourselves throughout our living years ahead, to keep us breathing and not let us suffocate feeling like an isolated dork.If you're still in school and you're thinking that way, then repair your impaired intentions and start doing it with a sincere heart, the knowledge will last last even longer in your brains. Trust me :)

I've got loads to complete on my to-do list, and although there's a glint of frustration (HAHA) not getting the PLKN offer, now there's positive chances of me getting to commit some crime with myself, as planned.Eheh. I went cycling with Dad just now, roaming around the neighborhood. Well, it had been a while since we moved here, and I have yet to explore this place and to be familiar with the people around here. It was indeed a fresh start and an overview on my observation on how I could function in this world, outside of Seri Puteri. Made some interactions with cats, dogs, kids and pakciks around, I'll get to know them better tomorrow :)

I let Dad sped in front of me, since yeah I am a sore loser when it comes to navigation. I remembered him telling me on our way back home from school, that there's a kindergarten nearby home if I'd wanna grab some teaching experience. We cycled pass the kindie and IT WAS AWESOME, I CAN'T WAIT :D yes, i'm starting to love kids and they're even more attracted to me, I could see. :)

Productivity level: 50%
Fun level: 70%

We will last long :)

2011-12-01T02:11:00.001-08:00

The last would always be the most memorable one :)

Padan muke siape kena prank call semalam

Haaha, love you guys to bits :')

Adrenaline rush.

2011-11-29T20:04:00.001-08:00

We'll get married after my last two papers okay baby :)

Back to school, back to friends, back to SPM.

You go girl!

Yay, typical me.

2011-11-29T02:07:00.001-08:00

Throughout ze weekend:

being dozy, sleepy and half alive
feeling happy for my science braniac friends ending their battle very soon
feeling worried for myself for not having any momentum to study
weekly family badminton game at the club, played awesomely with one knee :)
dad bought a new, super duper comfy sofaaa from Ikea!
chance of reciting my end of year du'a at the mosque with mom and dad
did not study
jogged at the park with Mom, had the mother-daughter talk.again.
girls' day out, One Utama with makcik, cousins and sistahs
there were a hell lot of movies on my 'Have To Watch' list, but we ended up with Aku Bukan Tomboy
I know, bummer -.-
tapi gelak guling-guling la jugaak :-D hehe
baked Oreo Cheesecake and it was supercalifragilistcexpialidelicious! :D
did not study
put myself on the weighing scale every night and morning
mom almost killed me for eating so little
ran on the treadmill while watching Pokemon on iPaad
danced 'tarian Si Tommy' with Pok Leh :))
studied for 10 minutes and slept the remaining hour

A fact, so swallow.

2011-11-26T06:18:00.001-08:00

Lets admit this girls. A Muslim guy looks gorgeous when he leads a pray and reads Al-Quran. And guys, a woman's heart should be so lost in God, that a man must seek Him in order to find her.

Yes, I really think so.

A fine first Muharam.

2011-11-26T05:56:00.001-08:00

Just sharing one of my favourite ayah from the Holy Quran :)

So remember Me; I will remember you. And be grateful to Me and do not deny Me. (Al-Baqarah; 152)

It's a new year, so lets celebrate our Maal Hijrah with a du'a to our Creator. May He permits us the chance of being nearer to Him and may the upcoming days be filled with endless praises to Him, the Almighty. The paradise awaits, InsyaAllah.

Hearts tied.

2011-11-25T08:07:00.001-08:00

I'm home with a very weird feeling blanketing me.

I miss my girls :(

Yeah You.

2011-11-25T07:42:00.001-08:00

All time favourite!

It's good to finally realize what is really happening.

It's better to realize that I've finally grown out of it.

All the best, used-to-be Partner :)

I miss shoppinggg.

2011-11-25T07:09:00.001-08:00

I've succeeded. Leaving all that might silently transport me to some unknown, unwanted and dangerous destinations. I've succeeded. Paving my way, clearing disturbing thoughts, constructing and building a new comfortable home, drawing a clear picture of the future. I've succeeded. Telling stories, being inspirations to people and keep letting myself be inspired by them. I've succeeded. Fighting turbulence, surfing waves, shoving away their agitating expectations and disappointing doubts. I've succeeded. Exploring me, although still halfway through. I've succeeded. Giving countless chances to correct mistakes, to repair the damaged, to forgive and forget. I've succeeded. In making each and every piece of my day a great and unique one, with a strong belief that tomorrow's sun will shine brighter and its rain will bring more grace and blessing. Most importantly, I believe I've succeeded. In being one phenomenal human being at the age of seventeen and I'm gonna keep rocking, you bet I will.

My friend, Tara told me: 'Ama, keep changing peoples' lives.'

And, I will :)

Goin' back home!

2011-11-24T01:37:00.001-08:00

Seven done, two to go :)

Woken up.

2011-11-22T05:50:00.001-08:00

It has been stated way earlier

sometimes when you feel that what you're doing is right

and adding up the incredibly good feeling being too absorbed to it

sometimes they're just bad things masking as good ones

it's a lesson for the day

Alhamdulillah, a better person to be tomorrow

Mom and Dad always pray harder for my Addmaths

will put all me effort and faith, InsyaAllah

Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not (216; Al-Baqarah)

Covergirls :')

2011-11-21T05:38:00.001-08:00

It's the sweetest feeling, the most meaningful moment

how we are now suddenly walking on the same route again

and meeting in the middle of the roundabout

with the same smile, same jokes, same laughter

never thought I'd ever bump into you again

'Ama nak kawan Aizaa sampai mati :')'

Im glad spending the days left with some little friends

it's now exactly how we were during those innocent years

when we were happily called juniors :)

Beautiful.

2011-11-19T23:11:00.001-08:00

Dear readers, in the following Hadith Qudsi, Allah demonstrates the nature of His relationship with us:

“Myself, Mankind and Jinn are in a great serious state. I create them, then they worship other gods that they make for themselves; I bless them with my bounties, then they thank someone else for what I sent them; My Mercy descends to them while their evil deeds ascend to Me; I endear them with my gifts even though I have no need for any of them while they alienate themselves from Me with their sins even though they are desperate for My help.

Whoever returns to Me, I accept him no matter how far he is; and whoever turns away from Me, I approach him and call on him. Whoever leaves a sin for my sake, I reward him with many gifts and whoever seeks to please Me, I seek to please him. Whoever acknowledges My Will and Power in whatever he does, I make the iron bend for his sake. My dear people are those who are with Me (i.e. whoever would like to be with Me, let him supplicate to Me and remember Me). Whoever thanks Me, I grant him more blessings; whoever obeys Me, I raise him and endear him more. Whoever disobeys Me, I keep the doors of My Mercy open for him; if he returns to Me, I bestow him with My Love since I love those who repent and purify themselves for My Sake. If he does not repent, I still treat him by putting them in hardship to purify him.

Whoever favors Me over others, I favor them over others. I reward every single good deed ten times over or seven hundred times over to countless times over. I count every single bad deed as one unless the person repents and ask for My Forgiveness in which case I forgive even that one. I take into account any little good deed and I forgive even major sins. My Mercy supersedes My Anger; My Tolerance supersedes My Blame; My Forgiveness supersedes My Punishment as I am more merciful with My slaves than a mother with her child.” (Madarij As-Saalikeen by Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziya)

Only if everyone masters psychology.

2011-11-19T20:25:00.001-08:00

Children respecting children

Encourage children to be agents of change by empowering them to stand up against prejudice and discrimination. When children know how to respond to negative attitudes and behaviours they witness, they can help promote respect in their communities.

The responsibility to protect children from all forms of discrimination, prejudice and abuse, including bullying, is the responsibility of parents, teachers, and other adults in the community who are in contact with children. Here are some ways to help teach children respect.

Nurture empathy

Empathy is what moves children to be tolerant and compassionate, to understand other people’s needs and to care enough to help those who are hurt or troubled.

All children are born with the capacity for empathy. Empathy however must be nurtured. Children need a positive, caring relationship with their parents or caretakers for them to care about others. Children who have a healthy self-esteem and feel good about themselves will be able to recognise and respond effectively to the feelings of others.

When a child hurts another child through words or actions, explain in simple words how the hurt child feels. Focus on feelings, not actions, and express concern for both children in such a situation. Teach children that no child should be teased or excluded because of their race, religion, nationality, social class, gender or appearance. Explain to them the challenges faced by children living with disability or an illness like AIDS. Caring, empathic children are less likely to be prejudiced and will be able to celebrate the diversity in their society.

Promote respectful behaviour

Encouraging children to respect themselves and others will help to eliminate injustice, hate and violence. Respect needs to start at home. Begin by helping children to feel good about themselves. Compliment them when they do something well or when they do something considerate for someone else. Let them know that their caring behaviour makes you feel proud.

Recognise however that children may sometimes use words or do things without realising that these are wrong. Be patient and do not overreact. Instead help them understand that such words and deeds are hurtful and disrespectful to the other child. Start a conversation with them and explain what these words mean, why they are hurtful and how it will contribute to prejudice, discrimination and hatred in society. Be clear that being disrespectful to anyone is unacceptable behaviour.

Help children understand the benefits of good behaviour. By promoting respectful language skills and building character when children are young, we will help prevent problems from developing later

Be a role model

Children count on their parents, teachers, older siblings and other adults to serve as guides for what is right and wrong. The examples we set are the most powerful influences that shape a child's behaviour and personality.

If men and women do not treat each other equally, the child will observe, learn and probably copy this behaviour. If adults shout, behave violently, exclude or discriminate against certain groups of people or communities, children will learn this type of behaviour. On the other hand, parents who are sympathetic to the feelings of others and rise to a need for help, especially when it is not in their own best interest, can teach children important lessons on respectful behaviour. In school, the most effective teachers are warm and affectionate — and when trying to correct bad behaviour they remain calm, not punitive.

As adults, we need to be models of altruism, compassion and caring so children will copy such behaviours. When we treat others with kindness, respect and patience, children will follow this example.

Empower children

Encourage children to be agents of change by empowering them to stand up against prejudice and discrimination. When children know how to respond to negative attitudes and behaviours they witness, they can help promote respect in their communities.

Use role plays to enable children to feel and appreciate the feelings of a child who is vulnerable to prejudice and discrimination. Help children by giving examples on how they can respond to prejudiced thinking or acts of discrimination. For example, they may react to another child being called a hurtful name by simply saying, "Don't call him/her that. Call him/her by his/her name." Or, a child who is the victim can say, "Don't call me that. That's not fair." or "You don't like to be called bad names and neither do I."

Motivate children to take responsibility for their words and actions, and to promote such responsibility amongst their friends. By talking with children, we can give them tools to process and filter what they experience when adults are not around, and to behave respectfully to others.

It's Friday nite.

2011-11-18T07:11:00.001-08:00

YOU CAN'T BE TOO YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND THIS.BWAHAHA.

Ama doink, get back to your books. Okaaay. Like now. Okay.

Reblogged!

2011-11-18T07:00:00.001-08:00

Letting down my hair, like Rapunzel :)

Random, random thoughts.

2011-11-16T22:39:00.001-08:00

Here I am
few days left to spend walking on this ground
breathing this air which suffocates me most of the time
this air which made me survive the period of hmm
half a decade, that's long.

Here I am
quite happy Im not sure why
it is perhaps because
four papers are done and all were good
school is finishing soon
Tom is smiling at me, like always
people are cherishing their last moments
and it feels good to see people appreciating and being all hoohaa

Here I am
always wondering
why I wasn't as successful as her
or how I should have been better than him
or how I should know that I've been the best
always, and I have no reason to think about all this nonsense
sometimes I wonder
if I could be who I wanna be in the future
do what i really wanna do
and go wherever my heart desires to go
sometimes I wonder too much
especially during these exam weeks
I just can't wait for the future

Here I am
looking at their pictures
there, in Delhi
their journey might have been fun and memorable
but mine is nothing to compare to
Dad offered to fly me to Delhi
laugh your heads off, it was sarcastic him again

Here I am
just too out of mood to start studying again
man, i wanna leave this school
but not this terrific room of mine
Ill ask mom if I could bring it back home
that could save my time packing a hell lot of my one year stuff here

Here I am
reading random stories of whoever's lives
Aliah Syamina, my dear headgirl
whatever comes, I know you'll get through it
like how I did
have a fun ride
because being here in my place now
I wish I had done a lot more during my time
and yes, I should have had more fun back then
but call it experience
and that's how it works
i read this somewhere
in school, you take your lessons before you sit for a test
but in life, you simply go through tests, then only you'll learn the lesson
precise and funny

Here I am
again
letting fats accumulating this body
seriously, I am fat but not hopeless
I'll burn em up in no time, you'll see

Monster Exam :)

2011-11-13T01:56:00.001-08:00

yes, its tomorrow.tomorrow's SPM.

in some way its a good thing, am i suppose to be nervous?

cuz im not.haha, whatever.

wish me luck people :)

and pray for me pleaseee.

may Allah makes it all easy for me all the way through, Amin.

9A+, here i come! :D

Two thumbs up.

2011-10-29T20:33:00.000-07:00

Stolen from: www.inianwarhadi.com :)

“I’m not the kind of fool who’s gonna sit and sing to you about stars,” Stuck on The Puzzle by Alex Turner.

So while watching the Phillip De Franco show, he recommended a video of Steve Jobs. It’s his commencement address for Stamford University’s graduation ceremony of 2005. It’s truly inspiring, and I recommend you to spend 15 minutes listening to it. I just wanted to share some quotes and a few thoughts of mine about the three stories he had shared:

1. Connecting the dots.
“You have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something … because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you off the well-worn path. And that will make all the difference.”

To me, he just said “believe in Qadha and Qadr”, you know, the sixth pillar of Iman? That’s why Islam is the only religion to turn to, because Islam encompasses everything. A Muslim should never feel despair, because we trust in Allah. We trust that things will work out for us in the end, that as long as we’re holding on to the rope of Allah [3:103], we’ll never lose. It also serves as a reminder to me that I should remain steadfast on the road that I believe that will bring the most benefit to the most people. I hope this feeling remains within myself, as well as in everyone out there.

2. Love and loss.
“You’ve got to find what you love… The only way to do great work is to love what you do.”

True love is based on the love towards Allah, and if you’re doing something that, in the end, you know will bring you closer to Him, you know you’ve hit the jackpot. Steve also added “as with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it”. So don’t settle for something you’re not in (true) love with. Keep on looking for that something that will ultimately bring you closer to your Creator, because ultimately, that’s where you’re headed.

3. Death.
“..I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, ‘if today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ and whenever the answer has been ‘no’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something… because almost everything… just falls away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking (that) you have something to lose.”

I think this quote is true for all world-changers. They do what they ultimately want to do, make the world a better place. To have this world-changer-mentality, death needs to be in your thoughts, because it is definitely, without a question, thinking about you. What are you going to do in your life that’s going to make you special? Don’t tell me you don’t want to be special. You need to.

Rasulullah (may peace be upon him) was many things, but he was nothing if not a world-changer. He brought light to a world filled with darkness. That was his ultimate mission. So we as Muslims should carry on that mission. Sure we won’t be able to shine as bright as he (may peace be upon him) did, but we still need to shine in some capacity, and that is to our fullest. All of us have potential. We just need to realise it, unleash it. Bring light to the world in our own way, the way that most suits us.

Of course, these are just my own thoughts on his words. As the Malay saying goes, lain padang, lain belalang. Lain orang, lain fikirang. (Okay, that second part was made up. But it’s true, ain’t it?)

It’s not wrong to acknowledge wisdom. We may learn from anyone and everyone, even a crazy person, apatah lagi a person by the name of Steve Jobs.

I always tabik Anwar Hadi :) he's once in a blue moon and just too cool to be true.

Twas Love 68.

2011-10-25T19:18:00.000-07:00

Primary school girl friends.mann, i miss you guys :')
Those were the days, hot chicks.haha :)

The festival of light :)

2011-10-25T18:46:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow's economy paper.

2011-10-23T09:04:00.000-07:00

This weekend has brought me tons of delight and elation. Godreally listens to all my prayers, every time I beg, He definitely notices me. Ican see my life transforming the way I want it to be. I can see how one hugesacrifice opens many doors to bright light and unexpected opportunities. I cansee and feel the mercy of the Almighty and the joy of life. When you do goodthings, good news approaches you. When you hope for something, strive for it,pray and tawakkal, He blesses you with more than could ask for. Sometimes we getblinded by the darkness of life, but as soon as you find the key to it, hesitateno more. Start finding the route to the door. Unlock it. That moment,everything in the past will start to make sense.

Live for our Creator and life will be meaningful.

- One in a million :)

Ze track still likes me :)

2011-10-23T01:32:00.000-07:00

Nur Haslina Ahmad Hanif!

i miss our jogging dates :')

Wisdom tum te dumm.

2011-10-21T20:33:00.000-07:00

Can't wait for this :)

I'm all gay!

2011-10-21T20:31:00.000-07:00

1. I give myself permission to rest.

2. I give myself permission to play.

3. I give myself permission to laugh.

4. I give myself permission to make mistakes.

5. I give myself permission to say 'no' to demands on my time that is simply draining.

6. I give myself permission to say 'yes' to what I want.

7. I give myself permission to fulfill my lifelong dreams.

8. I give myself permission to ask for what I want.

9. I give myself permission to be who I am.

10. I give myself permission to try again.

11. I give myself permission to have fun.

12. I give myself permission to be who I am.

13. I give myself permission to ignore naysayers.

14. I give myself permission to stay focused on what's important to me.

15. I give myself permission to be whatever body shape I like.

16. I give myself permission to be imperfect.

17. I give myself permission to ask for help.

18. I give myself permission to stop caring what others think of me.

19. I give myself permission to write this lousy post.

20. I give myself permission to create.

Okay, you may follow all that I have done. :)

Twenty three days to go.

2011-10-21T20:05:00.000-07:00

Things like this keeps me moving.

My recent CW was all about this.

2011-10-21T20:01:00.000-07:00

This is a true story of Mother’s Sacrifice during the Japan Earthquake.

After the Earthquake had subsided, when the rescuers reached the ruins of a young woman’s house, they saw her dead body through the cracks. But her pose was somehow strange that she knelt on her knees like a person was worshiping; her body was leaning forward, and her two hands were supporting by an object. The collapsed house had crashed her back and her head.With so many difficulties, the leader of the rescuer team put his hand through a narrow gap on the wall to reach the woman’s body. He was hoping that this woman could be still alive. However, the cold and stiff body told him that she had passed away for sure.He and the rest of the team left this house and were going to search the next collapsed building. For some reasons, the team leader was driven by a compelling force to go back to the ruin house of the dead woman. Again, he knelt down and used his had through the narrow cracks to search the little space under the dead body. Suddenly, he screamed with excitement,” A child! There is a child! “The whole team worked together; carefully they removed the piles of ruined objects around the dead woman. There was a 3 months old little boy wrapped in a flowery blanket under his mother’s dead body. Obviously, the woman had made an ultimate sacrifice for saving her son. When her house was falling, she used her body to make a cover to protect her son. The little boy was still sleeping peacefully when the team leader picked him up.The medical doctor came quickly to exam the little boy. After he opened the blanket, he saw a cell phone inside the blanket. There was a text message on the screen. It said,” If you can survive, you must remember that I love you.” This cell phone was passing around from one hand to another. Every body that read the message wept. ” If you can survive, you must remember that I love you.” Such is the mother’s love for her child.

Hoping you're near.

2011-10-21T08:14:00.000-07:00

If today I am asked who I wish to spend my whole lifewith, the answer would still be the very same.

He would be the same person who promised me a strong shelterwith a roofless attic and nights of stargazing together, the same person who promised me plane flights, train rides, mountains of adventure and never-ending happiness, the same person used to be my other half and who stillsilently is.

Grab and leave.

2011-10-19T03:24:00.001-07:00

From the big book of everything.

2011-10-19T03:23:00.000-07:00

Written by Yasmin Mogahed>>> Published on www.suhaibwebb.com <<<

When I was 17 years old, I had a dream. I dreamt that I was sitting inside a masjid and a little girl walked up to ask me a question. She asked me: “Why do people have to leave each other?” The question was a personal one, but it seemed clear to me why the question was chosen for me.

I was one to get attached.

Ever since I was a child, this temperament was clear. While other children in preschool could easily recover once their parents left, I could not. My tears, once set in motion, did not stop easily. As I grew up, I learned to become attached to everything around me. From the time I was in first grade, I needed a best friend. As I got older, any fall-out with a friend shattered me. I couldn’t let go of anything. People, places, events, photographs, moments—even outcomes became objects of strong attachment. If things didn’t work out the way I wanted or imagined they should, I was devastated. And disappointment for me wasn’t an ordinary emotion. It was catastrophic. Once let down, I never fully recovered. I could never forget, and the break never mended. Like a glass vase that you place on the edge of a table, once broken, the pieces never quite fit again.

But the problem wasn’t with the vase. Or even that the vases kept breaking. The problem was that I kept putting them on the edge of tables. Through my attachments, I was dependent on my relationships to fulfill my needs. I allowed those relationships to define my happiness or my sadness, my fulfillment or my emptiness, my security, and even my self-worth. And so, like the vase placed where it will inevitably fall, through those dependencies I set myself up for disappointment. I set myself up to be broken. And that’s exactly what I found: one disappointment, one break after another.

But the people who broke me were not to blame any more than gravity can be blamed for breaking the vase. We can’t blame the laws of physics when a twig snaps because we leaned on it for support. The twig was never created to carry us.

Our weight was only meant to be carried by God. We are told in the Quran: “…whoever rejects evil and believes in God hath grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold, that never breaks. And God hears and knows all things.” (Qur’an 2: 256)

There is a crucial lesson in this verse: that there is only one handhold that never breaks. There is only one place where we can lay our dependencies. There is only one relationship that should define our self-worth and only one source from which to seek our ultimate happiness, fulfillment, and security. That place is God.

But this world is all about seeking those things everywhere else. Some of us seek it in our careers, some seek it in wealth, some in status. Some, like me, seek it in our relationships. In her book, Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert describes her own quest for happiness. She describes moving in and out of relationships, and even traveling the globe in search of this fulfillment. She seeks that fulfillment—unsuccessfully—in her relationships, in meditation, even in food.

And that’s exactly where I spent much of my own life: seeking a way to fill my inner void. So it was no wonder that the little girl in my dream asked me this question. It was a question about loss, about disappointment. It was a question about being let down. A question about seeking something and coming back empty handed. It was about what happens when you try to dig in concrete with your bare hands: not only do you come back with nothing—you break your fingers in the process. And I learned this not by reading it, not by hearing it from a wise sage. I learned it by trying it again, and again, and again.

And so, the little girl’s question was essentially my own question…being asked to myself.

Ultimately, the question was about the nature of the dunya as a place of fleeting moments and temporary attachments. As a place where people are with you today, and leave or die tomorrow. But this reality hurts our very being because it goes against our nature. We, as humans, are made to seek, love, and strive for what is perfect and what is permanent. We are made to seek what’s eternal. We seek this because we were not made for this life. Our first and true home was Paradise: a land that is both perfect and eternal. So the yearning for that type of life is a part of our being. The problem is that we try to find that here. And so we create ageless creams and cosmetic surgery in a desperate attempt to hold on—in an attempt to mold this world into what it is not, and will never be.

And that’s why if we live in dunya with our hearts, it breaks us. That’s why this dunya hurts. It is because the definition of dunya, as something temporary and imperfect, goes against everything we are made to yearn for. Allah put a yearning in us that can only be fulfilled by what is eternal and perfect. By trying to find fulfillment in what is fleeting, we are running after a hologram…a mirage. We are digging into concrete with our bare hands. Seeking to turn what is by its very nature temporary into something eternal is like trying to extract from fire, water. You just get burned. Only when we stop putting our hopes in dunya, only when we stop trying to make the dunya into what it is not—and was never meant to be (jannah)—will this life finally stop breaking our hearts.

We must also realize that nothing happens without a purpose. Nothing. Not even broken hearts. Not even pain. That broken heart and that pain are lessons and signs for us. They are warnings that something is wrong. They are warnings that we need to make a change. Just like the pain of being burned is what warns us to remove our hand from the fire, emotional pain warns us that we need to make an internal change. That we need to detach. Pain is a form of forced detachment. Like the loved one who hurts you again and again and again, the more dunya hurts us, the more we inevitably detach from it. The more we inevitably stop loving it.

And pain is a pointer to our attachments. That which makes us cry, that which causes us most pain is where our false attachments lie. And it is those things which we are attached to as we should only be attached to Allah which become barriers on our path to God. But the pain itself is what makes the false attachment evident. The pain creates a condition in our life that we seek to change, and if there is anything about our condition that we don’t like, there is a divine formula to change it. God says: “Verily never will God change the condition of a people until they change what is within themselves.” (Qur’an, 13:11)

After years of falling into the same pattern of disappointments and heartbreak, I finally began to realize something profound. I had always thought that love of dunya meant being attached to material things. And I was not attached to material things. I was attached to people. I was attached to moments. I was attached to emotions. So I thought that the love of dunya just did not apply to me. What I didn’t realize was that people, moments, emotions are all a part of dunya. What I didn’t realize is that all the pain I had experienced in life was due to one thing, and one thing only: love of dunya.

As soon as I began to have that realization, a veil was lifted from my eyes. I started to see what my problem was. I was expecting this life to be what it is not, and was never meant to be: perfect. And being the idealist that I am, I was struggling with every cell in my body to make it so. It had to be perfect. And I would not stop until it was. I gave my blood, sweat, and tears to this endeavor: making the dunya into jannah. This meant expecting people around me to be perfect. Expecting my relationships to be perfect. Expecting so much from those around me and from this life. Expectations. Expectations. Expectations. And if there is one recipe for unhappiness it is that: expectations. But herein lay my fatal mistake. My mistake was not in having expectations; as humans, we should never lose hope. The problem was in *where* I was placing those expectations and that hope. At the end of the day, my hope and expectations were not being placed in God. My hope and expectations were in people, relationships, means. Ultimately, my hope was in this dunya rather than Allah.

And so I came to realize a very deep Truth. An ayah began to cross my mind. It was an ayah I had heard before, but for the first time I realized that it was actually describing me: “Those who rest not their hope on their meeting with Us, but are pleased and satisfied with the life of the present, and those who heed not Our Signs.” (Qur’an, 10:7)

By thinking that I can have everything here, my hope was not in my meeting with God. My hope was in dunya. But what does it mean to place your hope in dunya? How can this be avoided? It means when you have friends, don’t expect your friends to fill your emptiness. When you get married, don’t expect your spouse to fulfill your every need. When you’re an activist, don’t put your hope in the results. When you’re in trouble don’t depend on yourself. Don’t depend on people. Depend on God.

Seek the help of people—but realize that it is not the people (or even your own self) that can save you. Only Allah can do these things. The people are only tools, a means used by God. But they are not the source of help, aid, or salvation of any kind. Only God is. The people cannot even create the wing of a fly (22:73). And so, even while you interact with people externally, turn your heart towards God. Face Him alone, as Prophet Ibrahim (as) said so beautifully: “For me, I have set my face, firmly and truly, towards Him Who created the heavens and the earth, and never shall I give partners to Allah.” (Qur’an, 6:79)

But how does Prophet Ibrahim (as) describe his journey to that point? He studies the moon, the sun and the stars and realizes that they are not perfect. They set.

They let us down.

So Prophet Ibrahim (as) was thereby led to face Allah alone. Like him, we need to put our full hope, trust, and dependency on God. And God alone. And if we do that, we will learn what it means to finally find peace and stability of heart. Only then will the roller coaster that once defined our lives finally come to an end. That is because if our inner state is dependent on something that is by definition inconstant, that inner state will also be inconstant. If our inner state is dependent on something changing and temporary, that inner state will be in a constant state of instability, agitation, and unrest. This means that one moment we’re happy, but as soon as that which our happiness depended upon changes, our happiness also changes. And we become sad. We remain always swinging from one extreme to another and not realizing why.

We experience this emotional roller coaster because we can never find stability and lasting peace until our attachment and dependency is on what is stable and lasting. How can we hope to find constancy if what we hold on to is inconstant and perishing? In the statement of Abu Bakr is a deep illustration of this truth. After the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ died, the people went into shock and could not handle the news. But although no one loved the Prophet ﷺ like Abu Bakr, Abu Bakr understood well the only place where one’s dependency should lie. He said: “If you worshipped Muhammad, know that Muhammad is dead. But if you worshipped Allah, know that Allah never dies.”

To attain that state, don’t let your source of fulfillment be anything other than your relationship with God. Don’t let your definition of success, failure, or self-worth be anything other than your position with Him (Qur’an, 49:13). And if you do this, you become unbreakable, because your handhold is unbreakable. You become unconquerable, because your supporter can never be conquered. And you will never become empty, because your source of fulfillment is unending and never diminishes.

Looking back at the dream I had when I was 17, I wonder if that little girl was me. I wonder this because the answer I gave her was a lesson I would need to spend the next painful years of my life learning. My answer to her question of why people have to leave each other was: “because this life isn’t perfect; for if it was, what would the next be called?”

I want my dance mat :(

2011-10-01T22:44:00.000-07:00

Venue: Dewan Makan.

Bonda: Ha Amalina, lama tak jumpa. You look a little bit gemuk sekarang, pipi pun tembam.

Amalina: Well, because all I do is eat, eat and study Bonda. For the sake of your 9A+s.

HAHA.

Cheesy eight.

2011-10-01T22:39:00.000-07:00

YOU EIGHT As ACHIEVER

Just scribble all the facts and writings you have securely stored in your brain all this while on those piece of lucky papers, as easy as you throw those orange balls into the hoops. High or low the goal is, I know you'll shoot straight into it. Do it like you always do, Smarty Pants. Nothing can bring you down, but ME :) haha

All my prayers are there with you. Lets make mom and dad proud again this time, so we get another big round of applause and new gadgets :D

all my love.

p/s: sorry, but i still want my school rank higher than yours, and we will. :)

Happily longing for you.

2011-10-01T22:31:00.000-07:00

It is funny in a way, that the scenes i went through, together with you always flash like thunder in my mind. They're treasured, and they come once in a while to be reminisced. When they're here, i always feel you. After some time, adapting with being and representing me and no more we, I know that wherever i go, a bag full of courage and strength always sticks on my back, cradling me soft and giving me a push of booster the moment i start to slip or stumble. I can't wait to find my way back into love, but just not yet. Because love is fantastic.

Fire into ashes.

2011-10-01T02:50:00.000-07:00

If it's heart-shattering enough for me, it must have been even harder for her.

SI, who are you already? I used to know you, but now i only knew.

So little time.

2011-09-28T09:05:00.000-07:00

I am concerned with the death of the self- the falling away of a personality as it had been known, and being replaced by a paradigmatic self that is capable to encompassing more. The continual dying of the self keeps one young. It makes life exciting. No, it can't be seen or experienced through words in books. It moves with the ticking clock, and the finger of the clock never stops moving.

People change, and they always forget to regret.

Blue Monday.

2011-09-26T08:49:00.000-07:00

WE ARE YOUNG WE ARE FAILURES AND WE LOVE IT(!)

As we go on, we remember.

2011-09-24T20:23:00.000-07:00

despicable me; always a memory :)

we'll be on the couch together watching cartoons again,

one day, all four of us.

so keep your hearts young, siblings <3

Back to his Kingdom.

2011-09-24T20:14:00.000-07:00

big brother, HOWDY :')

have a safe journey, be the oh-so-awesome you throughout your fresh university life

never forget your prayers, never go 'so semangat' (haha) over something

just go for it, go for everything, grab every chance

well i don't think you'll be needing any of my advice

rock on Elmo, you'll do well :)

insyaAllah

-Each end gives us the opportunity for a rebirth.

The worlds have yet to collide.

2011-09-24T10:06:00.000-07:00

As soon as mom and I made our way into the room and took our seats, mine nearer to the doctor, he greeted me with the most hilarious line any doctor had ever said before: Hello Cookie Monster! Well yeah, I had a blue Cookie Monster shirt on me, but my oh my, its just so cool that he actually recognized it :DD

And so, after the whole checkup, i just didnt know what or how to feel. It was a serious injury since the first incident happened, but nobody knew it was that bad.ill put the blame on the doctor i consulted after the fall in Putrajaya Hospital, he said it was nothing much.just a bit of injury, no harm done to the inner part of the knee, would heel very in no time.pffft, government hospitals, what do they know.the second fall at the club damaged the partially torn ligament which resulted in a complete torn.two main ligaments, left and right, on the left knee are confirmed torn and yeah, that explains the pesky wobbliness every time i tend to twist the leg.he did a few movement test on the leg and its so funny to see how loose it is! haha, i feel like a cartoon who can have their legs being thrown up into the air after being shot by some nasty demon.the doctor even talked to himself while he searched for his knee model or something, yknow the fake knee-he's so like me, thats why i love him so much(!) haha.

We were listening to him explaining more and more of these surprisingly understandable scientific facts about the injury, when dad cut in and asked what was the solution to it. A surgery. I wasnt taken aback, but mom was.haha.so yeah, i think there goes all my wonderful plannings enthusiastically made my yours truly, all into the drain.say goodbye to having all the fun with kindie kids, goodbye to sports, upgrading black belt, usual workouts, goodbye to YTR leadership camp perhaps, goodbye to driving licence, goodbye to the jumping-running-hopping me, and hello crutches.the surgery will be done after SPM insyaAllah, and itll take 3 months for full recovery.3 months of crutches to everywhere i go, even if i hated those annoying sticks, id have no choice.in the meantime, ill have to forbid myself from holding any rackets, go to any playing court, just no pressure onto the knee and no sudden twist.honestly, i dont know how to feel about this because theres no point of whining or crying, no reason to be happy or excited too, i just hope that everything'll go on fine as He had fairly planned.personally, i want the operation to be done as soon as possible cuz i cant live just siting around looking at people jogging and running and dancing, ugh itll be so depressing.so yeah, im just gonna follow His plan, the best life plan for me.

All the best, Ama or Cookie Monsta for today.

You still rock, like you always were, since day one the earth supplies you oxygen to breath. :)

Know the Almighty in prosperity, and He will know you in adversity.

Loved the treatment, hate the news.

2011-09-24T09:10:00.000-07:00

So, this is it. The long-lived mysterious pain. :(

The anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) is a vital ligament for proper movement. ACL injury more commonly causes knee instability than injury to other knee ligaments.^[1] Injuries of the ACL range from mild such as small tears to severe when the ligament is completely torn. There are many ways the ACL can be torn; the most prevalent is when the knee is bent too much toward the back and when it goes too far to the side.^{[citation needed]} Tears in the anterior cruciate ligament often take place when the knee receives a direct impact from the front while the leg is in a stable position, for example a standing football player is tackled sideways when his feet are firmly planted. Torn ACL’s are most often related to high impact sports or when the knee is forced to make sharp changes in movement and during abrupt stops from high speed. These types of injuries are prevalent in Alpine skiing,^[2] American football, Australian rules football, basketball, high jump, rugby, martial arts, and football. Research has shown that women involved in sports are more likely to have ACL injuries than men. ACL tears can also happen in older individuals through slips and falls and are seen mostly in people over forty due to wear and tear of the ligaments. An ACL tear can be determined by an individual if a popping sound is heard after impact, swelling after a couple of hours, severe pain when bending the knee, and when the knee buckles or locks during movement or gives way while standing still with weight on the affected knee.

Sigh :'(

How it is now.

2011-09-24T08:38:00.000-07:00

The skin and every drop of blood of The Sacrifice will be placed on the scale for you, so rejoice.

Whatever the Almighty had ordered us to do; He had made it possible for us to do.

Whatever He had forbidden, He had made it possible for us to abstain.

- Dr. Ruzman's, Damansara Specialist Hospital

True enough.

2011-09-21T09:17:00.001-07:00

Never say never.

2011-09-21T09:13:00.000-07:00

It's funny how life works right? One second you know what you want, and the other you just get overly confused over those things you have set in mind. And after all those mind boggling thoughts, you finally stop at one point, a point in the rushing route of life, you never knew it exists. And today I really see it. After those conversations, its proven, life is an experiment. An experiment which you can hardly change its hypothesis or manipulated variable, because in any way, the conclusion will stay the same. Yeah, it's me and the life thing again, gawshh.

Anyway, Abang's heading back to UK this Sunday, yeah, 'tagging along' with the girlfriend. Haha. It would not be a gloomy Sunday for me though. At some point, I love to see him widening up his wings and just fly wherever the heart desires to. Because a voice in me is saying I'm gonna be where he is one day.

I'll be back home this Saturday for a knee checkup due to the recent fall at the court, which was so stupid of me. I don't see any chance for me to continue playing sports, I mean, with this wobbly knee, I aint gonna go nowhere but the hospital if I were to be intractable. Squash is just risky, and no more fun. I don;t have the courage to dash out for the speedy bouncing balls, sigh. Phobia, that's what. But yeah, anyhow, I am not the girl who gives up that easily. I'm born to play, and so I will. The doctor might have a cure for it. And I desperately need to upgrade my Taekwondo grade after the big exam, yeah Im just so out of touch, and that's bad.

Please grant me another happy day tomorrow. :)

Pear-trick Star.

2011-09-17T20:44:00.000-07:00

EPIC (!)

It's no big deal.

2011-09-17T11:25:00.001-07:00

I believe good things happen everyday.

I believe good things happen even when bad things happen.

And I believe, on a happy day like today,

we can still feel a little sad.

That's life, isn't it?

Favourite star player :D

2011-09-17T10:49:00.000-07:00

FREAK PARTNER.

you always bring me back alive.

now i can breath, like really breath.

thank you so much for calling.

balik nanti dance i lay my love on you nak?

haha, have fun striving for PMR.

i have to admit, STF is waay cooler than SSP.

envy, but whatever ILY :)

Here we go!

2011-09-17T00:19:00.000-07:00

im inspired.so lets start this from the beginning,

ALL FRESH AND READY :)

A Ray of Hope

Me is nerd.

Err, V Day ?

A message to my man :)

Snorlax.

Enough of it.

Admire the Prophet.

Couldn't be happier.

Farewell BC!

Career dilemma :)

Sayangi Bahasa Melayu.

Adult already :)

Pop Tartss.

Another masterpiece.

Mighty young.

Time to reflect.

Hard, cold fact.

Walk the talk, baby.

Fifty bucks lunch.

Delhi girls :')

Day One!

Been so away from it.

Barbie goes bald :)

Paths of glory.

Entirely gay.

Cups as cakes.

Fly to Jaybee.

Girls and perfume.

My PKTR interview issue.

I have a lot to say.

Masterchef :D

Fishes.

First of Jan!

My little successor :)

My 2011 Wrap Up!

Pass the message.

Islam is cool.

Almost there.

Beamed.

Call this desperate.

Silly again

O' eleven vacation

Little pink penguin.

Our winding road.

Pink clouds and blue airplanes.

Hakunamatata.

That's my Bouncing Castle !

Grooved and giggled.

Lets go ROFL.

Her deeds I won't forget.

Amalina Taib

teacher happy birthday :)may Allah ease your way through the upcoming years and may you always be the high-spirited teacher syira i know no matter how big the challenge is.thank you so much tchr, for everything :)

One fine morning.

I can be luckier.

Im pushing myself, help.

Safe on the pavement.

Not growing any taller.

We will last long :)

Adrenaline rush.

Yay, typical me.

A fact, so swallow.

A fine first Muharam.

Hearts tied.

Yeah You.

I miss shoppinggg.

Goin' back home!

Woken up.

Covergirls :')

Beautiful.

Only if everyone masters psychology.

It's Friday nite.

Reblogged!

Random, random thoughts.

Monster Exam :)

Two thumbs up.

Twas Love 68.

The festival of light :)

Tomorrow's economy paper.

Ze track still likes me :)

Wisdom tum te dumm.

teacher happy birthday :)
may Allah ease your way through the upcoming years and may you always be the high-spirited teacher syira i know no matter how big the challenge is.thank you so much tchr, for everything :)